Feel the Good Conversation, Episode 7: Tejal V. Patel
Thank you so much for visiting the Feel the Good podcast website. This is the transcript of my FTG conversation with Tejal V. Patel. My apologies if it has a few typos in it or the grammar is off. I tried my best to comb through it to make it as accurate as possible. I do use a program that helps me transcribe so it might be off here or there, but overall it’s very close to our conversation. Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to contact me should you have any questions or more suggestions on how I can make it easier for you, if you can’t listen to the podcast.
Shawl
(INTRO) Hello, hello, welcome to feel good. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for listening. I think you will really enjoy this episode today, especially if you are a parent. But even if you are not, there is so much great advice and tips in this episode. And I can't wait to share about my guest in a moment. But I have to, again, give a shout out to all of you who have rated and reviewed on Apple Podcasts. Thank you so much. I did read a review last week. I'm not going to do one this week. But you know, throughout this season, I will be reading reviews. And it means so much to me, y'all. I know how busy everyone is. And it's just, yeah, for you to take a second out of your day to do that, for me is just so sweet. So I really appreciate it, If you have rated and reviewed on Apple podcasts. And if you haven't, you still can, there's still time. So, please do head over there and do that. And make sure to subscribe. So you get all of these Feel the Good conversations directly to you, as well. Also, I just want to let y'all know that my social media is @shawlinvmh you can reach out to me on Twitter or on Instagram and some of you already have. And I always love that when you share your reflections or your thoughts after you've listened to a conversation. Anytime you comment on a post, it just makes my day. So do head over there and check me out there. And then also on shawlinivmh.com is my website. I really do love hearing from y'all. So please don't hesitate to reach out. So I start off the show, as some of you know, by sharing something that I'm grateful for. And I just I love this practice because it promotes positivity, and helps you sort of get outside of yourself and really think about what you have. And, you know all the things that are really good about your life. And it can be really simple too. I mean, it doesn't have to be anything complicated. So I am actually going to give you a few moments to think about what you're grateful for. And then I will share mine.
Shawl
So this week, school is starting here in New York City. For some of you school has already started and I hope it's gone well. And if it hasn't, hang in there! I have to say I have been a little anxious about it. We're doing blended learning. So we're going partially to school and doing some remote learning as well. Going to school has made me a little nervous. I mean, I think it's going to be great. And luckily, our daughter, Veena is so excited. I mean, she has talked about her backpack, and her lunchbox and what her first day of school outfit is going to be. And we did a meet and greet with her teachers. And she was just, I mean, she couldn't wait to get out of the house. She couldn't wait to go. And that's really thrilling to me because you know, if she was nervous about it. I think that would make my anxiety level even higher. But what I'm grateful for is, I've been a little overwhelmed lately. I have a lot going on, and I'm so grateful for my mom friends. I mean, they have just been incredible. I'm on a group text message. And some of you are listening, might be able to relate to this. I'm on a group text message with a few. I'm also you know, I have separate text messages that I have with just individual mom friends and all of these conversations that I'm having with them. I mean, they're so amazing! They alert me to so much that I miss all the time like some scheduling stuff or just even like Hey, did you hear this or like, Oh, this is happening and it's just such an amazing thing to have those relationships. It's like that with people, fellow parents, you know, if you're a dad listening, you might have a dad text conversation happening. But no, I mean, parents in general, like having other parents to rely on for resources or information or comfort, or just fun is just really important and wonderful. And I'm so grateful that I have some in my life, because let me tell you, they kept me on track, or they do. So if you're listening, and you're one of those people. I thank you wholeheartedly and I'm so grateful for you. And, again, I'm so grateful because I'm hoping this week, this first week of school is going to go great. I will report back if it does not. And speaking of great moms and relaxing and who are taking a breather, taking the anxiety down this guest that I have today. Her name is Tejal Patel. She is the mindful mama coach. She is a mindfulness advocate. She's a speaker, she's an author. She's a spiritual advocate. She has an incredible book called meditation for kids, which we explore a little bit more in this conversation and what that means we really dive into, you know, what is meditation? What does it mean? Why is it important for our kids we also through Tejal's life story, glean a lot of the things that work for her and there's so many nuggets of wisdom in there. And she's just like, she's really positive, she's upbeat. She's cheerful. She's also a fellow podcaster she has a podcast called Time in Talks that she actually co hosts with her son Ayan. It is the cutest thing he does some of the episodes with her so I highly suggest y'all check out Time in Talks, his episodes and then of course Tejal also interviews a lot of wonderful guests and has some amazing conversations and shares advice and and and coaching tips of her own. It's just such a fantastic podcast so I highly suggest you go check it out. But for right now, I hope you enjoy this Feel the Good conversation with Tejal Patel. (END INTRO)
Shawl
(BEGIN INTERVIEW) Tejal I'm really thrilled to have you on because it's so funny to me how many times people bring up meditation in my life. And I still have not acted upon it. I know, I know...(laugh). But maybe this conversation with you will push me in that direction. Because you are I mean, you have a podcast Time in Talks. You're a mindfulness advocate, which I want to talk about what that means. And really your mission is to help moms and parents de stress and raise mindful children, which I think is so so important. And that's just a whole lot of good that you're putting out there. So, welcome to the podcast.
Tejal
I am so thrilled to be here. Thank you so much for having me.
Shawl
Well, I want to start with, just sort of a basic question. What does mindfulness mean? Actually?
Tejal
Yeah, that's a great starting point. So I think with this whole, new buzzwords of mindfulness and meditation that we hear so much of, it's kind of gotten convoluted. I think a lot of us think that meditation and mindfulness, these words can be used interchangeably. However, though, there is an overlap, there is a very distinct difference between what mindfulness and what meditation is. So I, as a educator, for kids, and even parents, I like to make everything simple. So I love stories. I love analogies. I love metaphors. So that's what I'm going to do when I'm explaining this. And so the easiest way when I'm teaching children about what mindfulness is, it's about focusing on one thing at a time. So it's whatever you're doing right here, right now. You're bringing all your attention to it. So
Shawl
Which can I just say your son Ayan who is on your podcast, and he broke down mindfulness in the most sweetest, and like, really on point way, by the way. So anyway, I want to get to him. I'm sorry to interrupt your flow, but I just had to say that because I just thought it was just, I love that he's on your podcast with you. So we'll, we'll talk about that.
Tejal
Yeah! So I share that because it's like trying to de complicate everything that sometimes as grown ups that we do so like I said, it's like doing one thing at a time. So it's like when you eat you're just, just eating, you're not on your iPad, you're not looking at your phone, it's you eat, you're just eating, when you read, you're just reading, when you rest, you're just resting. So it's about whatever you're doing. So you could do it anytime, anywhere. Like if you're washing the dishes, you're driving the car, you're drinking water, it's about you can do it with air, you could do it basically with anything. So it's like infusing mindfulness is just bringing that awareness and your full on focus into those tasks, or the doing per se, or maybe not the doing right, like you're sitting. So when we think of meditation, meditation, is actually the focus of sitting, it's the the intentional focus of building that mindfulness muscle. So you're basically training your brain to focus on one thing at a time. And so there's many different ways of meditation, there's active meditation, there's passive meditation. So there's mindful meditation, which we hear a lot about, which is about like, say, if you're sitting still eyes closed, or like taking deep breaths in and out, you're mindfully just meditating. So you're not doing anything else. You're just being there. So meditation is more of that formal seated practice of, you're not doing anything else, you're actually quote, unquote, meditating the act of building that meditation or mindfulness practice, per se.
Shawl
Wow. Okay. So, with meditation, I mean, I know a lot of people again, like I told you when we opened this up so many people have told me to do it. I'm an actor. I'm a creative. So a lot of creatives and writers, I mean, so many people prescribe to it. I find sometimes that it's very hard for me when I have tried it, to calm the mind. Because, I mean, as a fellow mom, and as a parent, I mean, especially now, I think before when I was, when I didn't have a kid, I think I was maybe a little bit I didn't have as much going on on like, I have way more now that I'm balancing and, and so it is hard for me to sort of have that quiet. Is that what is do you have to have that to meditate? Can you give guidance there.
Tejal
Yes, I think what you're experiencing right now, even someone like me, like 10 years ago, when I meditated, that was the same struggle that I had. So I think many of us have this misconception of that the entry point of meditation is you have to sit still close your eyes, you have to focus on your breath, and your mind needs to be clear, and he needs to be calm, and he needs to be quiet. And so this is a form of meditation, it's a form of what's called passive meditation, where you're training your brain to basically slow down. However I look at this, this is the CrossFit of meditation. So what we think of normally as meditation, right, like that image of someone likes being calm and Zen and no thoughts. You would never tell someone who's never worked out a day in their life be like, you know what, we're gonna throw you into a CrossFit class. Can you imagine what would happen to that person?
Shawl
I think I've been there. And it wasn't fun. Initially, it wasn't fun, then I got into it. But yes, yes.
Tejal
Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Usually, some people might give up before they actually feel the benefit. You have to build an endurance, a stamina, you have to build up to that it's not that they can't do it, it's just that's not the entry point of working out if you've never worked out before. And so because mainstream has kind of made that as the over arching of like, what meditation should be, it's because we have so much stress, so much anxiety, so much so fast paced, we just want to slow down, we think that we need to shut it all off. But here's the thing, like just like our eyes have been created to see and our ears have been created to hear our mind is a tool that evolutionary has been designed to think. And so I want us to kind of look at it as when your mind is racing. It's like many of us on a day to day, especially moms, like you said so much in our mind, it feels like rush hour traffic on a Friday afternoon. Like that's what our mind feels like constantly things moving things coming in things like so much like, like, we're trying to be aware of so many things, right.
Tejal
And the thing with meditation is that the goal of it is essentially to create an experience of your mind being 2am traffic on a Tuesday night. So just think of that for a second 2am traffic on a Tuesday night. There are cars that are probably on the road, however, they're spaced out there. There's more you know, there's there's more space, there's a more quietness, but there's still thoughts, there's still, it's still there. It's just at a slower, more manageable pace, right. You're not as heightened At 2am on Tuesday, it's you know, so that's what we're trying to do with meditation is essentially train our brain to slow down. And so what I talked to you like for a moment is like the passive category of meditation. This is what we build up to whether you're a grown up or you're a child, this is not the entry point of meditation, what the entry point of meditation is the second category of what's called active meditation. So active meditation, by its inherent nature, and there's so many different types of active meditation, which I'll get into. So it's not like one size fits all for each person. But the meditation itself has a mental anchor that's already included in it. So it's starting to train your mind to focus on something so that once your breath starts to relax, once your body starts to slow down, your mind is automatically going to fall out. So you're not trying to beat the mind. At the minds game. You're training your body and your physical responses and your breathing, to basically trigger your nervous systems to start settling down, which will start telling your brain to kind of get into that too, as traffic on a Tuesday night, it's going to slow itself down. And so with my book like Meditation for Kids, everything that I teach is like ancient yogic and Ayurvedic wisdom, translated in a kid friendly way. But it's basically, active meditations can be guided meditations month or meditations, when I teach children breathing, reset, certain breathing resets, they're moving their bodies. So your mind has something to focus on with young children even tracing like the breath as they take deep breaths in and out. And so what I really designed for me is that this is how children learn. But also, because many of us haven't learned this as children, this is how we have to start training ourselves to step by step. And eventually, we will get to that place where we can sit quietly, close our eyes, take a few deep breaths, and that will be calming for us, because we'll know how to anchor our mind on our breath, to allow it to slow down. So it's just a work in progress. That's all it is.
Shawl
Well, I mean, that's so fascinating. And, what are the benefits of meditation? Obviously, distressing is one of them. But what are some of the other benefits that you see? When you're doing it? Or, you know, having practiced it and studied it for so long?
Tejal
Yeah. So this is, you know, you hear the most common things like, oh, it helps me with my sleep, it helps me with stress, it helps me, you know, be less patient. But that's not in my personal experience. Yes, it certainly helps you learn how to regulate your nervous system. But think about it this way, even for grownups. Like, if something triggering happens, like say, someone writes something negative on your Instagram feed, the first thing in that moment is not that I'm going to go sit down and meditate. Like, that's not our initial reaction, what what happens, right? There's an emotional response, there's emotion, you know, it creates a catalyst, we have different hormones that come into our body, it triggers something within us, our mind might start this negative condition talk of, Oh, my gosh, who did you think they are? Or it could be the other? Oh, my gosh, is that really true? Like does that you know, so we have different patterns and conditioning. It's not like we're just going to stop dropping meditate at that moment, and then everything's going to be Kumbaya.
Tejal
And okay, so what I've learned in this experience, especially during motherhood, this really, really became elicited of what the benefits of how meditation actually really helps in this whole life scenario is that I'm a student and teacher of Kundalini meditation. And a lot of the meditations are physical. So that's not the sitting, some of them are sitting quietly, but like I said, we learn active first. And there's some meditations that during my training, like for an hour, you're holding your body in a really comfortable, uncomfortable, weird place, like hands above your head, or you're doing a power breathing exercise. And within, depending on it's different for each person, some people could be 30 seconds, some people could be one minute, some people could be three minutes. But at some point, meditation gets uncomfortable, and it triggers your ego, it activates the part of you that whether you're like, I can't do that, it's going to start your condition, self talk, I can't do this, stop doing this. It's going to bombard you with the thoughts that come into your mind. In those instances, when your boss writes you a negative email, or your husband says something to you that is just off putting, or your child is screaming and you had two hours of sleep and you're you're just triggered. It's gonna put you--
Shawl
Been there.
Tejal
Yes! (laugh). All the circumstances that real life, right? It activates our nervous system. So what meditation trains us to do is in a safe place with our own accord. It's getting us to be comfortable with that ego voice within us, that tells us You can't do this. You're not good enough. Stop this. Whatever that voice is. It's going to come blaring loud, loud, loud. The more you get comfortable with that voice The more you get comfortable like when that happens. Is there a surge of energy in my heart space? Does my face feel flushed? Does my stomach knot? You become very comfortable with the physical sensations of what those emotions are telling you because emotions are essentially just energy in motion. So you're going to get very intimate with those reactions. When I feel angry, this happens to me when I feel disappointed. This is what happens to me. When I feel nervous. This is what my what happens to me. And you're just going to have that much more of an intimate relationship have in those key to the moments in real life when they happen unexpectedly, what your body is going to do, you're just not scared anymore. Because when that voice comes in, you're not quick to just agree with what it says. You're like, Okay, this is this is my normal pattering, and you're able to do that breathing reset of what you're supposed to do to help regulate your nervous system without going there. Does that make sense?
Shawl
Yes, absolutely. So really, what you're saying to me is that it it really allows you to take that negativity right that we have and we all have it, that sort of negative voice and whatever it's saying to you all the self doubt the insecurity
Tejal
That mean girl voice. The inner mean girl.
Shawl
The mean girl. You know, I sometimes call her little miss excuses. I have a little miss excuses voice that always like, comes up with excuses why I can't do something or why I'm not good at something or whatever, you know. But you're saying turning that negativity, really what it does, it transforms it into positivity is that it?
Well, it's basically getting you so intimate, and aware of what your negative lady is, like, you know what little miss excuses says, so that you have an opportunity when you're in, like in not necessarily in a meditation space, but maybe it's like, for some people talking to a therapist, maybe it's journaling, maybe it's you find different healing modalities, like whether it's like deep self worth, self compassion, self love work, you're there then aware of the patterns that need to be healed. And then you'll be guided to like, whether it's like listening to a podcast or listening reading a book, you'll be guided to the wisdom that you need to heal that part of you, so that you can move forward and but you can't you can't access that healing. Unless you're still and present with it. Like you're because we're gonna find we are very notorious human beings to be distracted by netflix and food and alcohol, we will do anything to fight, you know, being present with that. So that's what meditation is really basically, like I said, building your mindfulness muscle, not just like what you're doing, but also like being so intimate and present with yourself that you could transform those patterns, those ego, those negative patterns, into embodying the qualities of your soul or what you're saying positivity. Yes, it's that journey of awakening and then integrating into your highest self.
Shawl
Oh, I just I love that. I want to talk about you mentioned your book, meditation for kids. That's something that you really care about. You're very passionate about. We talked about your son, your son Ayan is also on on your podcast sometimes. So tell everyone about what the book is about? And why you know why you wrote it, how it all got started for you in that way.
Tejal
Yeah. So I mean, this has been a culmination like I was a divorce attorney who transformed my career to teaching mindfulness and meditation for kids, I've been doing that for close to 10 years, like actually going into classrooms and working with children between the ages of three and eight. It's something that really deeply fulfills me. But about five years into me doing that I really, it was actually my girlfriend, who said to me, in a very intimate conversation, I was telling her, I was so excited about this. And she's like, you know, Tejal, I have to be really honest with you. She's like, I love that the work that you're doing. However, if parents and teachers don't practice and embody these tools, and classrooms and homes, like your grand vision of children growing up with these tools and life skills, it's really not going to translate in the way that you want. And that was nearly, you know, that was nearly seven years ago that she said that to me, but it really stuck with me. And so that's what I transformed, like, not only working with kids, but I started educating teachers. And I just started going to schools, and I started, I created a curriculum, and I started going to universities, and I really started honing that with with teachers how to bring these practices into the classroom. And it's been really well received over the last five years, especially because that's kind of where the movement is going. And then the book deal really, I honestly knew that I wanted to write a book on this, but I always thought it would have been later in my career, because I had this thing in my mind that I have to get parents and teachers on board. Like I have to get them on board first. And I had been writing a book but it was like geared towards moms like to help them build their own meditation and mindfulness practice. And then a publisher reached out to me and was like, you know, there is this untapped market for self help books for kids especially meditate For younger children, and we've been following you, and we want you to be the expert who writes this book. And so this deal really kind of fell in my lap. But let me just tell you like the the book deal. I mean, the book launch, right in the middle of COVID, when everybody was home with their kids, and it was so well, really the timing of it, like when I look at it is like, what the synchronicity of that, like the universe definitely had a plan of it launching when it did, because parents were ready parents are receptive
Shawl
Oh and the stress levels high. Oh, it was very high during you know, I mean, when we were all first thrust into it, I think it was just like, it was a new way of operating that nobody was familiar with.
Tejal
Absolutely. And people were aware that their children were also like, you know, we knew the stats, like, we knew that mental health and children anxiety, depression, these are all things that were were on the rise, however, we were like confronted face to face with our children experiencing the anxiety that they're facing with homeschooling, and this change, and, you know, let's be honest, in Fall two, there's going to potentially be a change for them as well. So, so the reality was that this book is, as I mentioned, it's not like a fluffy like just meditation book like I really, because I'm trained in the science of you know, Ayurvedic yoga and Kundalini meditation, I wanted to bring the ancient wisdom of when you're experiencing mental stress, or physical stress, or emotional stress, like anger, jealousy, frustration, all the emotions that are common of the human experience, what are the right tools that is going to help you reset, whether it's a breathing, reset, or whether it's a mindful yoga move, because a link another big thing that, you know, a lot of people don't understand is that, like I mentioned, emotions are energy in motion. So if a child is fidgety, or frantic, or if we sit down to meditate, and we're like, oh, my gosh, like I had this impulse to move, it's because there's, there's energy within us that needs to be released. And so in Kundalini Yoga, you always do yoga, or movement of the body, before you sit for meditation. So if anybody who's listening to this, like I just can't sit, still go work out or do some yoga, move the energy and root it out before you sit, and you'll see that there's a difference in your ability to focus and concentrate. So I wanted to bring all these principles in a way and we broke it up into emotions and different stress types. So it's very much a learning tool for children, but as well as parents, because I share the science of why this tool works like when to do it, what emotion to do it. And so basically, it's the roadmap for families to bring a playful, or what I like to call brushing your brain, like you brush your brain every day to keep the yucky thoughts away. It's like building a daily brushing your brain practice with your family, just like you brush your teeth and you shower or you eat healthy food.
Shawl
Oh, that's so cool. I'm curious, just from my own personal experience, I have a three and a half year old, she's almost four. And I find I mean, she has a lot of energy. She's constantly moving. She's also a sensory kid. So she has some of those issues, too. But is this something that could...because I think also in your podcast, you say something about, you're not into timeouts as like a disciplinary. And so is this a practice that can help in terms of discipline, or in terms of those moments where you're talking about emotions, right? Because I found my toddler has a range of emotions, and doesn't quite yet have the language to express what they're feeling when they're feeling it. And I found as a parent, sometimes, you know, I throw my hands up in the air because I'm, trying to help and then sometimes I get triggered by certain things that are happening, especially in a tense situation or tantrum situation. So is is there guidance in the book about sort of helping with that too? Or is it all like this practice doing this sort of every day or incorporating this in your family life will help those aspects too.
Tejal
So I love this question. So there's you want to look at the purpose of teaching your children or planting the seeds like I like to say there's two prongs or two purposes of it. The first is like what I said like the brushing your brain, we're trying to plant in our child's subconscious and build an automatic habit like just like we make it a non negotiable that they have to brush their teeth every day to take care of their teeth just like they have to wash their body to keep the germs away. We want to plan in their mind that we brush our brain by meditating and taking deep breaths every day to keep our mind healthy. So it's first like promoting of just like planting the seeds of teaching our children our physical health is just an our mental health are equally important. So it's that one whole aspect that which has probably, you know, I know we haven't grown up in, or most South Asians really haven't really grown up with that, but many of us have not been taught that. We talk about about vegetables and taking care of your body, keeping it clean, but we have not talked about our mind. So that's the first aspect.
Tejal
So with that is just like using the book. And with my son, typically it's in the morning, but sometimes it's in the nighttime, the idea is that, okay, you brush your teeth, don't forget, we have to brush our brain, you can pick when we brush our brain, you can pick the exercise you want to do. But for a couple breaths every single day, we have to do that. But that's like a non negotiable. So that's the first thing because we're planting that pattern into their subconscious. And it's so much easier if we do it before they turn eight. And their mind then shifts in their development. So that's the first aspect. And the second aspect is what you're talking about. It's like in those heat of the moments is big feeling moments. What are you supposed to do? So I like to equate it to this, like my dad's a dentist. So a lot of my analogies are with dentists. (laugh) But it'll it'll make sense, it will totally make sense. So like I said, meditation is brushing your brain, it's like brushing your teeth, it's that non negotiable necessity self care that you do, you would never tell a child right, you only have to brush your teeth. If you eat chocolate and any other day, you don't have to brush your teeth, like you just have to brush your teeth. It doesn't matter if you eat chocolate or not. So that's what we're doing with the brushing your brain like we meditate, you know, at least one exercise a couple minutes, a couple of breaths every single day. What meltdowns are are your cavities. Now meltdowns have definitely happened more than cavities. But it's those rare occurrences. That is that painful experience that you need a skilled dentist to help you relieve the pain, you need someone so a dentist won't be like, Oh, just brush your teeth and the cavity will go away. No, that's not going to help it you have to have a more structured plan of how to alleviate the pain. And so that's what we have to view ourselves as a grownup as our children are navigating, and their brains are still developing, and they still get dysregulated very common. We are the dentist, right? We are the skilled individual who is going to help them find relief through that experience. So there's a different set of steps that we do. However, all the exercises are found in the book. And so the first thing is that and parenting experts will tell you is that there has to be an acknowledgement or a record or connection. Like I see that you're feeling you know, I see. So in the book, there's an exercise called Steer Your Ship, and easy, non confrontational way of recognizing a child's feeling is that Oh I see that you're on anger Island or I see that you're visiting sadness Island. So you're making it so that it's not like you're sad, or you're angry or something, it's like just a notification, I noticed that you're on anger Island. And so in that exercise, it teaches children the first five prime, like emotions that they should be feeling, which is happiness, sadness, peace or calmness, like, you know, feeling calm or peaceful, being scared. And I feel like there's one that I'm missing. happiness, sadness, angry, I forgot the most common one angry. They know that one. So recognizing and being able to label those emotions, right like by that, and that comes from us, like, I see that you're on anger Island, or I see that you're on sadness Island, or when they're really happy, like, wow, you're really unhappy Island. So this starts building the development of their recognition of what emotions are.
Tejal
The second aspect is, is that, you know, when, when they're in a dysregulated state, or what I like to call a red brain state, these Stop, drop, and breathe resets is all about as a parent recognizing the right brain state they're in. So if they're in a red state, like anything that you say is going to trigger them, we sometimes make the mistake of like, oh, let's take a deep breath. They're not in that space to take a deep breath. Like, even like you suggesting that is going to possibly trigger them more to get in a more dysregulated state.
Shawl
That has so happened to me. (laugh)
Tejal
Me too, Me too (laugh)
Tejal
And that's and that, we're well meaning. But that's how we learn like, okay, they're in a red brain state, yellow brain state is proceed with caution, like, you recognize that they're whiny, they're kind of clingy. They're like, you notice that if you say no, that they could potentially lose it. Like they just can't handle things that usually they're adapt. Like, they can be flexible with being very mindful when they're in that brain state. And then the green brain state is like when they're happy, playful, receptive, they're willing to learn, they're willing to hear you. So being aware of what brain state they're in. And so many times when we're talking about meltdowns, they're in a red brain state. And so the second step is like when you're recognizing, don't say a lot of words, because that's going to just regulate them. So there's an exercise in the book. It's called Heart to Heart hug. And you ask them, can I give you a hug? Can I help you feel better? Sometimes your kids will want the hug sometimes your kids will not? Because some kids are different with that. So that could be like one of the things like just feeling at your child Ayan when he was younger, did not like to be hugged. And so I'd let him know. Like when you calm down, mommy's gonna be right in the kitchen and it always make it the same place. Mommy's gonna be in there. When you're ready, you could come get me. And then as they like, as they get comfortable with that, we have a time in corner, which has like, you know, talks about different feelings, different books, different sensory things to help them calm down. So that's where I guide him to, like, help him calm down. But initially when he was like two or three, or maybe he wasn't even able to like guide himself there, I just like when you're ready for mommy to help you or mommy to give you hug, let me know. And so you have to let the emotion whatever it is the crying the anger, I know, that's the hardest thing, but let them just ride it out.
Tejal
And I think one of the biggest mistakes and I have made this is that you don't have the teachable moment, right then and there. Like if there was a misbehavior that happened, you have to wait till they're in a green brain state. And what has worked for me and a lot of my clients, which I teach is having the teachable moment, like we do it at bedtime. So there's exercises in chapter five, chapter five is all about exercises to do at bedtime. It's like, let's start again, to retrace your day. These are all about like, Hey, you remember when that happened? Like Did you have any higher low parts? Like Did you visit any different? Like, did you visit anger Island today, and then having the conversation then when they're in a receptive state, you don't always have to wait to the end of the day. But I find that there's enough time that has passed from the incident to the experience, like I've talking to it. So we don't shame we don't criticize, we don't kind of get wrapped up in the fear. And also we can have a constructive conversation. Like now Ayan's five. So we'll talk about, Hey, what do you think like next time? What could we do differently? We might roleplay like, okay, let's say this happens again next time, what could we do so you have more of a constructive conversation about what happens. So of course, it's this like, stop, drop in breathe aspect of it, you know, the the breathing, reset and the breathing. What how this comes into play is that now like, for example, again, when he has a big emotion, he's like, Mommy, I'm visiting anger Island, or Mommy, my, there's another one with stresses, he's like, Mommy, my head engine is spinning, like, because I feeling like really angry, or I'm feeling really anxious, or I'm really nervous, because I have to go to swimming class, he uses it as a conversation piece. And for me, when I'm feeling really frustrated, like Ayan, when you talk really loud, like that, it's making my heart engine spin and get overheated. So it's like a way that you conversate with each other without like, be like, stop, like, stop being loud, or you're making me do this, it's like, a neutral way of speaking about your feelings and setting boundaries.
Shawl
I love that so much. Because again, it's really like creating a language that the two of you understand together. And that is very easy for a child to understand, you know, and is, in a in a way is sort of fun, right? Like, if you're talking about going to anger Island, you're going to, you know, that's a way that their imagination can almost be a part of that and a way that they can understand that better than, you know, sometimes I'll be like, well, you're just frustrated right now. I mean, just you really, like making it a little bit more playful like that in the language, I think is is probably helpful, I would imagine. And those are Wow, those are some amazing tips. Because I even the the the red state, the yellow state, the green state, I mean, that's just so eye opening to me to think about it like that.
Tejal
Yeah, it's really interesting, because you know, going back really quickly to what you say about like the anger Island, the sadness Island, the happy Island, what ends up happening is that like, so for example, for that exercise, particularly, what you're supposed to do is imagine you have a steering wheel and you're taking deep breaths in as you turn the wheel, and then you take a deep breath out. So what they'll naturally do is that they'll recognize, okay, I want anger Island, I want to steer my ship to happy Island. So I'm going to take my breath. So what happens is they'll start taking breaths by themselves, so they will naturally start doing the exercises to help their body start calming down, if that makes any sense. without forcing them or without, you know, like, you know, take, like, they'll never take a deep breath when you force them to do it on command or calm down on command or, you know, so it's like helping them build that, that bridge of Okay, when I feel this way, I can take deep breaths, and that's something that's gonna help me calm down. So you're helping them learn that.
Shawl
That is so cool. I love that so much. Now, I want to get to know you a little bit. You said that you're a divorce attorney, sort of tell me where you grew up. And obviously you started out wanting to be a lawyer. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Tejal
Yeah, so I was born and raised in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and I, you know, for most of my life, I want to say I will I was the child who struggled with anxiety and low self esteem and you know, a chronic people pleaser and you know, approval seeker. So that is pretty much like if you want to think of me as like, in a nutshell of like, how I was probably all throughout like my mid teens. mid to late 20s. That's kind of who I was. And, you know, someone when I think about it, I think about like, when I was an attorney like being like a past life, because I think I did all the things like many South Asians, like, do the, you know... I sucked at science, I was the first child, I was, I think the first Indian person known to all of us, I was the first person who got kicked out of the fourth grade spelling bee first, I was like, not just like, I was like, the antithesis of what like Indian parents want their child to be. So, you know, I really struggled with that, like, because I never felt the fit the mold?
Shawl
Same I didn't really either.
Tejal
Yeah (laugh)
Shawl
I know, it's, it's hard when that's the case, because we do have a lot of expectations in our culture that even if your parents aren't having those expectations, necessarily, there are other people in the community that also have those expectations for you, too. So...
Tejal
Yes, and I think I kind of at that phase in my life, I wanted that, like, I wanted to be like, Oh, I made it, or I've, I've worked like, you know, I did something I you know, I was never really very, like booksmart. So for me to like, go to law school, get into law school, graduate from law school, like, take the California bar, New York bar, Pennsylvania bar, New Jersey bar and pass it up the first time. I think a lot of that was for me, like just to be like, I am smart. Like I can't do this. You know, like just just self self worth type of thing. And I something I still feel very accomplished for because I really worked hard for it. Nothing came easy to me. But I have to also very much tell you that I don't think I ever like I never wanted to be an attorney. Like I just kind of did it because I couldn't be a doctor because I didn't have it in me and I couldn't be a pharmacist or whatever, like all the other things.
Tejal
So went to business school and then I was like oh I can be an attorney. And so you know, divorce like the divorce law that I did. I was an out of court divorce attorney. So basically I did collaborative divorce and mediation. So which is more like me more touchy feely, I'm not a litigator. I'm not like cutthroat. Even I remember the partner at my first job. He's like, You're too kind to be an attorney. You're too honest to be attorney. And so I was like, is that really a bad thing to be honest and care about people? But, you know, it was just, that's just kind of my nature. And so it was very interesting, because mediation I was very intimately connected to my clients because I had the husband and wife in front of me, they were talking about their children, but I'm also very much an empath. So I was absorbing the energy, the anger the the you know, like I had so much empathy for these individuals and I cared so much and their kids and it was just really really hard for me emotionally because I bring it home with me, which is like the number one thing they tell you not to do is get personally invested.
Tejal
So, so I remember driving up and down the New Jersey Turnpike, I was going through my own spiritual awakening and I was listening to tons of different podcasts and you know, super soul Sunday anybody that Oprah kind of like recommended, I like read their book, like and you know, and I remember driving up and down the freeway, I was listening to Oprah and Eckhart Tolle, he talked about his book, The New Earth Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. And something really opened up with me that like, I knew I was meant for something more that was not related to law, not related to being courtrooms. And that's when I just I think it's just like this download started happening. It was just like, what if children grew up learning meditation at a young age? Like how would it change their life? Like that's just the thought that would just driving me and drive even when people would, like no one, no one really understood you're leaving your career to like teach? but they just thought I was a yoga teacher like, So, how long is that? I think people still think that I'm a yoga teacher. They're like how's you yoga stuff going and, and so it was very difficult to kind of make that transition. But when I did, I knew that this was my life purpose. And so every step along the way, you know, it's been very organic, every connection every teacher, every student, every teacher, every parent, every child, every and now with the book, like it's expanding globally, it's like every family that's being touched, it's like this little seed has now bloomed and manifested into this. And as a piece of my heart of what I like, cultivated for the last 10 years this this belief that I nurtured and really watered, is now really blooming and like to see videos of kids using the tools to hear these stories of students like using it, it's just I can't like there's no words to express how fulfilling that is.
Shawl
Oh my gosh, well, I can just I mean, I can see it and you know, maybe you know, our listeners can hear it from you, but I mean, there's just such passion coming from you when you're talking about this and, and like you said, fulfillment and sort of joy and it's just It's so lovely to see and I'm so happy that you listened to that voice when that voice said to you, Hey, you know, this is what I'm called to do this is when I'm being called for that you listen to that, because I think a lot of people and, you know, even we're both South Asian, we're both Indian Americans. I mean, that's hard to sort of take that leap and be brave and say, you know, what, actually, like, I sort of am in this career, it's stable. It's like what quote, unquote, everybody wants for me. But I'm gonna actually go and do something that, you know, sparks a light in me, and I want to spark it and other people. So I think that's beautiful. And I'm so glad that that happened for you, and that you actually listened to it. Thank you. Were you were you scared during that time when you were--
Tejal
Of course, it was like, you know,I have to give credit where it's due. And so I definitely was not a risk taker,I didn't grow up being a risk taker, I definitely had one foot in the water. And my husband is an entrepreneur. So I think without his ability, he's a risk taker. He's like, he supported me full wholeheartedly and believed in this process. Well, before I think I even believed in myself, and he's the one who kind of was like, you got to dip both feet in the water, and you just got to do it. You just got to try it. And I think every step of the way, whether it was the book deal, or like the podcast, like everything, he's been like, you have to do it. And then and now I think I've gotten to the place where I don't doubt it. Like what I see this, I'm like, Oh, yes, I gotta do it. Like, I think it's transformed me. But yes, I was very scared in the beginning, but there was something that pushed me like the the fear of not doing it was much more greater than the fear of doing it and thinking what other people would think of me.
Shawl
Well, you know, you also talk a lot about spirituality on your podcast. And also, that's a big part of your website and your blog and your teachings. I grew up Hindu Did you you grew up Hindu as well?
Tejal
Yes, yeas.
Shawl
Do you still consider yourself Hindu? Or are you sort of like, do you learn about all sorts of religions and sort of have mashed up your own sort of spiritual practice?
Tejal
Yeah, I think I respect all religions. I don't ascribe to any particular one. I've read lots of verses and understandings of the Bible. I, you know, a lot with Buddhism. I've over the years have, like, started to understand a little bit more about Hinduism. But I think for me, it's more universal knowledge and wisdom and truth. And I think I don't I'm not well versed in all religions. But I think at my core, I think that's what that that truth is, like, pervasive and probably every single religion, but I yeah, I find, I feel like I follow a lot of thought leaders, like I'm a big follower of Matt Khan, for example, or Sub Guru, just certain spiritual, like, it's not attributed to any religion, per se, it's just truth. And it's non denominational. And whatever just resonates with my soul. I think that at every different phase, in your journey, there's a different teacher or lesson or a different podcast or a truth, and it doesn't really matter for me, like what the source of it is, it's just that it's the wisdoms gonna find me because I'm open to receiving it. And that's what's gonna carry me to the next phase of evolution, the next phase of consciousness. So that's kind of just I just kind of live life with an open heart and just open to whatever.
Shawl
That's really beautiful. Because I think, you know, I think everyone can relate to that, in the sense that there are, there are these universal truths out there that we again, like you said, I mean, you could probably see it in every religion, and in a lot of teachings that they're sort of the same. I remember I did my senior thesis paper on religion versus spirituality, and how religion is like, the communal way to express a belief in a higher power and God, and then spirituality, is your personal relationship with that. And just studying and seeing all the different religions, there were so many themes that were similar, so many, again, universal truths that were similar. So I think that's beautiful. And that's a really wonderful place to operate from. Now, I'm curious when we were talking about South Asian culture and your parents because you opened up about that, how are they feeling about your career now? Like, what what are they thinking about what you're doing?
Tejal
So I think my parents because they knew I was always kind of out of the box, they knew that so when I told my parents It was almost like, and I'm closer to my dad than I my mom, but my dad was not shocked one bit like it wasn't like a surprise to them, like oh my God, but I was married at the time and I was like, you know, it was only two years in and I think it was very shocking for my in laws because they were very much of that, you know, prescription of like, your hierarchy. You're respected By your job and, you know, it was really difficult for my father in law in particular. And I think that almost like his, I'm always been the type of person if you say I can't do it, and I'm, like more determined to do it.
Shawl
You're like watch me, watch me do it.
Tejal
Exactly. Exactly. I think what I felt that resistance, and it's not that it was like, not anything bad on him. This is just the collective resistance of what, what is natural, right, when you're breaking the mold or when you're changing or when you're shifting
Shawl
Well and a lot of it is about security. Right? And wanting security for someone and wanting stability. It comes from a very good place. Yeah, it comes from a fear place, which is not good. But the intention behind that, of where the fear is coming from, I think is well intentioned, right?
Tejal
And I think that's that generations. That's that generation lesson and growth and so for me, like when I recognize there's this proportion of the more solidified and confident that I started becoming, the less the naysayers were coming. So initially, when I was very uncomfortable, I was second guessing myself, I was attracting opinions and, you know, different like comments and things like that. As in my journey, I started to get more rooted in my power. I was like, Okay, this is what I meant to do. I felt so fulfilled by it. And I saw the changes, I noticed energetically what I was putting out there, it was not people weren't naysaying per se, it was like, wow, like, what you're doing is pretty amazing. And so I think like, it's been, like I said, it's been 10 years. So now, like seeing me consistently, like really, you know, be committed to this. And really, like, as you said, like, if anybody sent who talks to me about it can like feel my drive my, my passion for it. Now, they're just like, my dad, this is really amazing. My dad actually went on a meditation and more spiritual journey because of I was not because of me, but he was inspired, I think, because what he saw in me, and so this is something like when he sees this, and when he reads it. And when he sees how I apply it with my boys, he's just so incredibly, like proud of me and like, in a different way. And I think, you know, that that means a lot to me, because like he truly gets it, he's like, this is going to change the world, this is going to change their generations, this is going to change their life. So he truly gets it up at that space. So
Tejal
it's really just icing on the cake. Not that I needed that approval, because I know that, but it's been really beautiful to see how he's embraced it in his life and how they're just so you know, they're just so in awe of like,the the message behind what the book is about, I think.
Shawl
Oh, that is so beautiful. I'm so happy to hear that. And I, I really, you know, when you were talking about how when you started being rooted in your power and being confident I mean, there is just something that feels so good about that, you know, I mean, and like you said, you're gonna attract sort of what you're feeling. And if you're, if you're in a positive place, a confident place, strong place, then you're going to attract all of those things. And so I really, I really love that about that part of your story. And again, I just, Oh, that's so sweet about your dad, how he wants to immerse himself and what you're in what you're doing too, and seeing the power of that. What about your husband? And your two sons? What about your family, your immediate family? What do they think about everything? Is your husband like very zen, too? And like, sort of, I mean, like, is he into it? Because partners aren't always?
Tejal
Yea they're not. Not always. I actually invited him on a podcast because I thought it was really important for men especially to hear from another man what his journey is because we all whether we're with our partners or not, like we're still different individuals, like he definitely like started, like, when I was dabbling in meditation, he came to a few classes with me, and he's definitely always been open minded. But I kind of ran with it. That's what he said, like you just like ran with it. You just kept taking classes and got certified. And his journey has been his own. He's been like, he's like, he does it. I've taught him some different breathing resets. He uses it, you know, when he can. And during the pandemic, actually, is when we kind of, he's been just so so like, he's an entrepreneur. So he's busy. He's a businessman. And he's like, this was the first time he actually got to be home. And so he's like, you know, what, I really like to do meditation again. And before we had kids, I would teach at a yoga studio, and he would come to my classes and kind of be my student, but that stopped. And so he's like,I want you to guide me again. So we started doing it again. And we we don't do it for very long. It's like only like four or five minutes. But um, you know, we most days, usually three to four days a week after the kids go to sleep, we'll sit in the living room, and we'll do like a meditation together. And so, yeah, the key is very open. What's really amazing because we have two boys and we wanted our children or especially boys to be able to know how to express their feelings. And so it's been fairly nice that my husband who's not been raised like this, who's been actually he's very more like, you know, hot tempered, like a typical man like very, like, you know, quick to short temper you know, it's not necessarily like that calm mindful like person how he's been trying to build this with our sons in his own way, but we, you know we I have my own practice with Ayan and he also whenever he puts him to sleep, he'll do meditation his way. And usually it's Ayan guiding his dad, he thinks that he's the teacher and he's guiding, but it's just really interesting because he's been so open and receptive to building these practices with the kids. And yeah, it's been it's a unique situation for all of us.
Shawl
Do you find that it strengthens your relationship to have that practice together?
Tejal
I think it definitely does, I think it creates a level in a weird way to be in a room with someone else, but being silent, it's a creates a very interesting intimacy that you can be in the presence of another individual, without needing to fill the space with something,if that makes sense. That you can just be.A
Shawl
And you're not like sitting in a room tuning out to something either, like you're watching, or like, it's sort of passive.
Tejal
It's like you're but you're fully there, like, you know, together and you're doing something together. That's, you know, an inherently is helping enhance like your connection with yourself. And whenever that relationship with ourselves, and I wish I knew this before I got married or in any relationship, but like, it's like cultivating really importantly, like cultivating that relationship with ourselves before your relationship with anybody else. So that's really helped us I think.
Shawl
And now, Ayan's on your show, I've mentioned a few times. I mean, again, everyone please go listen to these episodes with him. He is just, he's sort of an old soul. I mean, he's, he's really like, bright and energetic. And I love hearing his voice. I mean, you know, I just love little kids voices too. They just bring me happiness. But, um, he's very, he's very much an old soul. Did he automatically like, I mean, obviously, he really took to what you're doing to, like, passionate about it, himself...right?
Tejal
Yea I know. You know, it's, it's so funny. Like a mom had asked me She's like, you know, your son is so articulate. So like, you know, into this, like, how do I get my child like, you know, it was a little bit younger into it. And I said, I like that is very much innately him like he is someone who likes to be in front of the mic, microphone he likes... In front of people when he was like three years old, he went on stage and was like talking to people in such, such a mature way. And we're like, we did not teach him that. And I think that's just an innate gift that just came with him. And I share on my podcast that the whole idea of me doing a podcast was because he would be like, in the summer last year, he's like, Mommy, let's pretend like we have microphones in front of us. And we're talking to the mommies. And we're like, and so we would like, play, like play podcasts. And then he kept talking about it. And then I was like, you know, secretly, I want to do it, too. But he's like, you know, he was my catalyst to be like, he's like, no, Mommy, I want to do a podcast. And I mean, it's just something that I think, you know, all our children, they pick us because there's a specific reason because we are the perfect parent for our child. And I like to think like, I don't think I have had anything like I can't, I can't take any credit for the way that he is. I think the only thing is, I think he picked me to be his mom, because maybe that's just a skill that he needed to cultivate. And that's part of what his mission or something like the talking or like, this thing is maybe somehow related to whatever he's meant to do. I don't know what he's meant to do. But like whatever he's meant to do in the long term. There's a reason why and I just am able to hold space for him to kind of express himself in this way, creativity. And speaking is definitely his, his strong suit, like that is a gift that he has
Shawl
Good for you and your husband for, you know, recognizing that there's something there and nourishing that and, and helping that be sort of bigger, expanded, you know, even having these podcast episodes with him and letting him sort of have the freedom to do that and to showcase that gift that he has. I think that's so beautiful. Thank you. I I'm curious, you know, you talked about changing the world with what you're talking about. So what's next for you? Like, you know, you've got this book that you're hoping will change families and help families. You're teaching your speaker we talked about again, we didn't explore mindfulness advocate, but you know, if you want to talk about that, too Like, what's next? How are we going to? How are we going to change the world with this?
Tejal
So for me right now my focus is even in a bigger way of getting it out there. So, you know, working with I'm like in the process of like finding a publicist and the really working to get this out there. But I have, I always wanted to be an author, that's part of what I want to do. So I've already started working on my second book. And it's a it's,it's a book that kind of helps the whole idea of like, when we were talking about time ins like help children through that aspect of like, what do they do when they're feeling an emotion and how to just like use the book to kind of guide them through it. So that's kind of what my next next thing is. But really, it's just continue to keep talking and keep teaching, because this conversation is an evergreen conversation that is just starting. And until we can actually practice like I said, practice reinforce it and body these tools in the classroom and homes, that's when we're going to see the shift so for me, it's really just continuing to be an advocate for this like showing up spreading the word getting the books in as many hands as possible. For me right now, I'm also working on getting the books in low income schools and low income communities because I don't want this to be just for privileged children I want this to this is a life skill that every human being has the right to, it's not a privilege, it's a right, you know, that everyone needs. So I'm working with certain companies to try to start getting the books place, it's really difficult because we don't know what school is going to look like in the fall, but we want to work with schools to get them into low income schools. So really just spreading it as much as possible.
Shawl
I love that so much. And you know, this conversation I feel like has left me with, I feel a little activated, almost to make some changes. I think you're just such an articulate person. And again, I think your passion shines through, which is infectious to me. Like I'm like, oh, like I I want to do it now. But no, I mean, I think again, what you're talking about is really this practice of turning the negative into a positive, really listening to our bodies, and, and having a language with our children that also helps them find that calm that peace or just that or you know, being able to articulate what they're feeling and so I think that's just I think all of those things we need, we need that in our families and our lives. So I really wish you luck on that. I'm so excited anything that I can do to help and again listeners you heard it from Tejal This is what she needs to grow this and put this beautiful message out there so you know any way you can help her please do Where can they get the book, online? Anywhere books are sold?
Tejal
Yeah, our books sold anywhere books are sold, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target wherever you buy your books. I also have some resources on like the meditation for kids book.com site so if you are someone who like like step one, step two, step three, like that's how you function. I have resources on there. I have actually like a self study course called the meditation for kids masterclass that has short videos that you can like actually, like learn boop, boop, boop right how to do it. And there's videos with Ayan so like your kids can watch it. So it's always so much easier for kids when they see another child doing it's like just so much more engaging. So you have tons of resources to help you really make this a practice.
Shawl
Amazing. Well, I will absolutely tag everything in the episode notes of all of Tejal's information, a link to the book. And definitely it sounds like I mean, I need to get it everyone needs to get it. It sounds very important and something that we all need. Before I close out an episode I love to ask my guests if there is a charity or two that they want to share with, with me and our listeners so that we can all do good that way if there's something that you're really passionate about or care about, that you want to share.
Tejal
So for for me, I really um, the last couple years I've been the Sudara organization, so they work with underprivileged women and children, specifically girls in India. And every donation that you make helps educate and also for women like single moms to help them provide for their family. So this company creates products like clothing where for moms can get get employed and then they help the children that are their children get into schools or to get supplies and so Of course, being South Asian and you know being so tightly knit to India that that really just speaks to my heart. So the Sudara organization.
Shawl
Beautiful. Okay, great, well, we'll make sure that that is in our episode notes as well so that everybody can check that out and make a donation if you can, but if you can't obviously, there's so many other ways that you can support to and advocate, spread awareness. So many different ways. But the last thing that I do is I do something called Feel the Five where I give you five words and you just have to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Tejal
Let's do it.
Shawl
Okay, Feel the Five. Home.
Tejal
Comfort,
Shawl
Joy.
Tejal
Family.
Shawl
Fear,
Tejal
Fear?.... current society or current? I don't know like what life,... current life
Shawl
Like just everything that's going with COVID?
Tejal
Yes, like COVID and, and life. Yeah, the uncertainty of life
Shawl
Uncertainty, yes. Regret.
Tejal
Uh, not starting, not starting this journey earlier.
Shawl
And Hope
Tejal
Our children.
Shawl
Well, thank you so much Tejal, this has been just again, I can't say enough What a beautiful conversation this has been, how activated I feel after this conversation and really the things that you're talking about and putting out there's so much good in them. And I appreciate that charity that you shared. And again, thank you for taking the time I can't wait for your podcast to come back. You've got another season coming. So there's going to be a lot of new guests and new topics of conversation. Is there one topic that you're going to be concentrating on for the next season?
Tejal
I'm actually doing a lot of dissecting that like kind of like this whole awakening process of like spiritual ego and moving? We talked a little bit about it now like ego to your soul, how to like kind of move through your fears, and kind of what the healing process actually, like entails. So yeah, there's gonna be a lot of different episodes. Like, I just shot one today, it's about you know, dealing with naysayers, and you know, so like, that's like something that like, whether you're on social media or not, like how do you deal with that energy of judgment, criticism, like, how do you process that? And so, yeah, it's just gonna be different topics around that.
Shawl
Perfect. So it's like taking that negativity again and turning it into something else. Yes. I love that. Well, again, obviously, Time in Talks. You can find that anywhere you find podcasts. And please do go subscribe to her podcast and support her and rate and review if you're listening because that's always so important for podcasters. I'm going to sell your podcast for you Teajal, (laugh) Ladypod Squad gotta stick together.
Tejal
Oh, yeah, we got to do it together.
Shawl
thank you so much. This has been just lovely.
Tejal
Oh, I'm so deeply honored. Thank you. (END INTERVIEW)
Shawl
(BEGIN OUTRO) Alright, y'all, so this just means that I got to get on the meditation train, right?! I mean, I had Cameron Mathison on last week, he promoted the benefits of meditation, we really got to dive into it with Tejal and hear sort of her perspective on what meditation is for her. why it's important. We got to dive into her book, I mean, so much good stuff in this conversation. I just wanted to share some of my takeaways that resonated with me, they might have resonated with you. But these are some of the top things that I pulled out here. So when we were talking about meditation, one of the pieces that she talked about, and actually in her Time and Talks Podcast, Now again, you can go over and subscribe to that anywhere you find your podcasts, but she's doing like a series on this, but be comfortable with your ego. I mean, that's one of the things that meditation helps you with and what that means is you know, we talked about the self doubt the insecurities I have my little miss excuses voice that I confided in Tejal about and all of you, you know, if meditation can help you turn sort of those things around and help you really heal. I mean, it's a form of healing and work that mindfulness muscle, that's what she called it. I thought that was so vital and essential and so important. So I mean, if something can help me do that, like that is, that is, something that I need to be doing? Yeah, I thought that was super cool and interesting. And I don't think that anyone's really ever explained meditation to me in that way. You know, I always looked at it as just like, Oh, I'm just gonna be calm, I'm just gonna chill out, which is, again, one of the definite benefits, but to actually see it and hear from her, that there's something further there, where you're actually helping, perhaps change a lot of negativity or negative thoughts and really heal yourself that I thought was super cool.
Shawl
Now, obviously, with meditation for kids, you know, we talked about her book Meditation for Kids, and we actually have the book at home. And it's, it really is, I mean, the illustrations are fantastic, the activities that she shares are awesome. But one of the things that she says, and I thought this was so cute, is brush your brain. How cute is that phrase?! I just love that. And I think it's so important to recognize that we do need to teach our kids that your mental health is just as important as your physical health. And, you know, if you know me, or if you've listened already, to a few of these episodes, I'm a big mental health advocate, I do, I think it's super important. And it's a priority, I grew up with someone that was mentally ill. So it really, it's something that I very much care about. And for her to sort of have come up with something where, you know, meditation is a place where you can start teaching your kids and mindfulness that, hey, this is self care for your brain, this is a way that you can help, you know, we can help our kids manage their emotions, manage their anxiety, help them stay focused. So, you know, I just love that. I love that. And I love that, you know, brush your brain is just like brushing your teeth. It's just like an essential, daily routine that you do. And if you can start teaching your kids young, then it's just going to be natural for them. And then it's only going to help them as they grow up. Because they'll be far a lot far along past me. You know Veena learns this now, she'll be able to really help herself later on in life with that, with the ability to manage certain difficult emotions and things and challenges. And also, that will help promote some self healing, which, again, is essential. So super, super cool.
Shawl
And again, Dragon breaths, I'm here for it, you won't know what that means until you pick up her book. But it's one of my favorite activities. And it actually is like, it really helps me, the dragon breaths, I'm here for them. She also mentioned Steer your Ship in this conversation, that's a great one as well, so many good ones in her book. So definitely go check that out. And then also within the kids portion of the conversation, we talked about the red, yellow and green state. So I thought that was really cool to to start thinking about the states that your kids are in. And and you know, the yellow state is really the state where proceed with caution. There's about to be a trigger, we're about to go into that red state. And there might be in that yellow state some room to, you know, turn that, turn that ship around, steer that ship around to back to a green state. But anyway, I really liked the way she explained that. And I just thought she was so articulate with that whole entire piece of the conversation. And finally, what I loved about her life story, and the piece that we found out about, you know, sort of how she came upon this career is to really listen to that voice inside of herself that said, Hey, this is your calling. This is your purpose. I was so inspired by that. I hope you were too because I just think, again, when people do that when they listen to what their passions are, and go for it. It is just, it's so brave. It's so amazing to see. And again, I was you know, I get to talk to these people and see them. You only get to hear them. But I think you could hear in her voice like this is it for her. You know, this is what she's passionate about. And that always just makes me so happy. And if you're someone right now who's listening to this, and you're, you know, you've had that feeling of you want to go after something or you've had a calling to do something. Don't ignore it. Maybe now's the time. I say go for it. I say listen to it. I mean, look at the Tejal. It worked out great for her. She's just such a wonderful example of that. So I say go for it. I say do it. Listen to your calling.
Shawl
To Spread the Good day Tejal shared the Sudara organization, which I will tag in the Episode Notes. But definitely donate if you can, if you can't donate, you can check out their website, I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to get involved if you can't monetarily donate, or just share and spread awareness on social media. A lot of times when you do that you never know someone else in your network might be able to help monetarily that way as well. But money's not everything. There are plenty of other ways to get involved and to help. So go check that out in the Episode Notes. And another thing that she mentioned in the conversation to spread some good is that she's really working on bringing meditation for kids and her practices to low income schools and low income communities and trying to figure out how to do that. Because this is not just for the privileged. It's for everyone, which I mean, and mindfulness should be for everyone, mindfulness practices, taking care of your mental health, taking care of your kids mental health, that should be open for everyone, and the resources and tools should be open for everyone. So I really appreciated that that was something that she's also doing.
Shawl
I don't know about yall but I really do feel, I feel like I learned something new. I feel like I've got some tips to really help my family, to help my daughter, to, for us to grow together for us to have a language together in which to talk about emotion, and talk about some things that are going to be happening in her life, and how you know, we can live more calmly, we can live more anxiety free and really start to heal ourselves. So I thought this conversation was beautiful. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you left it feeling the good and as always, all the love and light. Have a great week. (END OUTRO)