Feel the Good Conversation, Episode 9: Myka Meier

Thank you so much for visiting the Feel the Good podcast website. This is the transcript of my FTG conversation with Myka Meier. My apologies if it has a few typos in it or the grammar is off. I tried my best to comb through it to make it as accurate as possible. I do use a program that helps me transcribe so it might be off here or there, but overall it’s very close to our conversation. Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to contact me should you have any questions or more suggestions on how I can make it easier for you, if you can’t listen to the podcast.

Shawl  

(INTRO) Hello, Welcome to Feel the Good with Shawl. Hey, everybody! So excited that you're here and listening to this week's conversation. It is so, so good. I cannot wait to share it with you. But before that, I want to welcome you to the show. And just a little housekeeping. I know I've been doing this at the top of every episode, but I so appreciate it when y'all rate and review on Apple podcasts. It means so much to me. I will be sharing more reviews as the season goes on. I did share a few in earlier episodes and more reviews to come. But yes, please do go check out Apple podcasts, do a rate &  review for me, make sure to subscribe. Since I'm still a new podcast, it really is so important. And it makes such a difference when y'all do that for me. because more people find the podcast when you do that. And when you subscribe, you get all of these conversations directly to you so you don't even have to worry about it. It just goes directly to your phone. Easy peasy. So, definitely do that. And I've had a lot of you reach out to me via social media after you're listening to some of these conversations or through my website. So again, I am at @shawlinivmh on Instagram and Twitter. And then my website is just shawlinivmh.com. I am loving when y'all reach out to me and tell me what you liked about an episode, what you liked about a conversation, some of the takeaways you grabbed from them. So please do continue to do that. And if you haven't reached out yet, and you want to, please do. I love hearing from you. Now, I start off every show with something that I'm grateful for this week. And I encourage you to do this also, because it's just such a beautiful practice. It really puts you in a positive headspace. So I'm going to actually give you a few moments to think of something that you're grateful for. And then I will share mine.

Shawl

So okay, my daughter started school this past week. And yay, it went well, I am so grateful that her very first day, she was so excited, she got her backpack on, her lunchbox and everything together and literally just could not get out of the house quick enough to meet all of her teachers and meet new friends. So really grateful for that. The second and third day because we're doing blended learning, so sometimes she's going to school and and it's half remote, half in person. The second day, we had a little bit of an issue, but the third day that went away. And so I'm really grateful. And I think that we're gonna get this down to where she's gonna still be excited to go and not be a little nervous. The second day, she was a teeny bit nervous, but we worked through it and really grateful to my husband because we team worked it together in the morning, it felt really great that second day when she was having some trouble because he and I just like we look to each other, we devised a plan. And we really did it together which is sort of rare for us where sometimes we are on opposite ends. So that felt super, super good. And very, very grateful to him. And the fact that I do have someone that I can, you know, teamwork, dreamwork with in my house. The other thing that I'm really grateful for is actually I had something happen this week, where I'm sure everyone has been there where, my bag, it sort of dropped over my shoulder and stuff fell out of it, like all over the street. And you know, typically, and I hate to say this because I am actually not that person that says this about New York City because New York City actually has some of the most welcoming and kind and, and sweetest people around. But a lot of times when especially if it's a busy time in the city, like people are in this zone and they're walking or sometimes they don't know if they should bother you or not. I do sense that too, sometimes with New Yorkers and the city where they're like, Oh, you know, I'm gonna just let that person be and now with COVID obviously people are definitely sort of Like, safely, social distancing, which as they should, but what was really nice is that when all of my stuff sort of fell out, and I was like scrambling and just like picking everything up, and I'm so grateful because somebody came up to me, you know, had their mask on, and they said, Oh, can I help you? They asked me first, which was  I thought so sweet. And then, you know, sort of just started helping me pick up my stuff and put my stuff in my bag. So I just again, I'm so grateful for the kindness of strangers. I thought that was so polite, and so respectful and so nice to even ask me first. Oh, may I help you because of COVID. And just making sure that they could, you know, enter my space, which was really, really polite. So, yeah, that was just so nice. And I thought I would share that with everybody. 

Shawl  

If you have something that you thought of that you're grateful for, like I said before, please do reach out to me. I love hearing from you. And speaking of polite, respectful kindness, I had the distinct pleasure to speak with my guest on this episode. I have such a woman crush on her. I think she is just incredible. I've been following her for quite some time on social media. I've had the pleasure of meeting her in person. She's elegant, she's warm, she's just all things good, which is why I wanted to have her on Feel the Good. Myka Meier, who is the founder and director of Beaumont Etiquette. She is an etiquette consultant. She specializes in international social and business etiquette and protocol. She has studied at multiple schools, you know, abroad, she also co founded the Plaza Hotel finishing program with Beaumont Etiquette, which is really, really cool. She's also the author of two books, Modern Etiquette Made Easy, and Business Etiquette Made Easy, which we do talk about in this conversation. Those books have such a wealth of knowledge and you can get them anywhere you get your books and I got mine off of Amazon, it's actually a best seller on Amazon. So super easy to get. But, we talk a lot about what etiquette means, social intelligence and why that's important. We talk about Myka's specific philosophy on etiquette and how it's really about compassion and kindness. And we get to know a little bit more about her and her life story and this conversation is so full of great tips about being positive, about how to change a negative situation into a positive situation, how to create a charming persona, etc. We just had a really great conversation and I just think Myka is someone who is really turning this industry on its head. She's modern, she's making etiquette accessible it's not just about you know the right fork or the right knife even though that's important to her too but she also has this whole other philosophy behind it that we get to hear about. So here is my Feel the Good conversation with Myka Meier. (END INTRO)

Shawl  

(BEGIN INTERVIEW) Myka I'm so delighted to have you on Feel the Good because 1.) everything that you post and stand for makes me feel good. So I just thought you know what, I really want to chat with her and get to know her even better because I just I love what you've sort of you know... because etiquette to be quite honest, and I think I've said this to you before but it seems sort of formal and outdated in a way and I think you really have elevated that and elevated that space to making it a bit more modern and to spotlight the values behind why we use etiquette, what etiquette really is about so I actually sort of want to start off there I mean, you're an etiquette expert, right?

Myka  

Yeah, I you know, I love everything etiquette. I love everything etiquette and so yes, name it and I love talking about it.

Shawl  

 When people say you're an etiquette expert, what does that mean? Exactly? I mean, that means that you've been through, you've been through finishing programs, you've studied it. What does that mean?

Myka  

Well, you know, what's so funny is that I always, I don't know. It's almost like I never call myself an expert. Like if someone else does, that's one thing, but I will never introduce myself as an etiquette expert or anything like that. Um, but I think when people refer to me as an etiquette expert, and I think it's just somebody who has studied it, who, who really, it's such a great passion, you live, eat, breathe. And I really feel like it's almost like the history of it, understanding the history of it, studying it over so many years that you you truly understand the core of it, and also that you practice what you preach. I think that's really important too. And, you know, I think it's, it's a combination of all those things that makes you somebody who can give history on a topic can talk about it currently, and talk about where it's going in the future. And I think that to me, would be what I would kind of define as an expert in a certain topic.

Shawl

Oh, definitely. Yeah. And I mean, I think you fit all of those things from you know, I have your book, Modern Etiquette Made Easy.  

Myka  

Yay! Thank you. 

Shawl  

 Yeah, of course, I'm so excited for you! How is that? How has that been putting out that book? And you have another one too, right now as well that's more professional for the workplace.

Myka  

Yes. So that was I mean, last year was such a busy year, I wrote both books last year. And, you know, the first one that's the  yellow book, that was my baby, and the way that it was my story, it was because the number one question I get is, How on earth did you become an etiquette industry person? When you were so you know, you didn't come from that, like, how does that even happen? It's probably the number one question people have. And, so I got to tell my story. And that was really important to me in that first book. And I didn't want it to be, you know, just like a thesaurus, or something really dry. I wanted it to be something that people can relate to, and they say, Okay, if she did it, I can do it. And early on in my career, people would say to me, and people would say, you know,  I wouldn't talk about that. I wouldn't say those things or, you know, don't tell people that you didn't always grow up like this, because you'll lose credibility or things like that. And I never, I just never agreed with that. I was kind of like, Wait a second, but that's the opposite of what, you know, because I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth. And, you know, I also didn't understand what etiquette was, I think when I was younger. And so I think it's important to show that you can learn etiquette at any stage of your life. And that it's just a beautiful thing to have in practice throughout your life.

Shawl

That's so fascinating to me that people would sort of tell you to essentially hide your truth a little bit. Yeah,  I do think there is a part of etiquette that's interesting that, and again, through you, it's sort of, it's been eye opening, because I think that etiquette for a lot of people may seem privileged or only for the royal or only for the wealthy. And I think you bring it down to earth and say, you know, actually, it's for everyone.

Myka  

Thank you. That's  my goal. That's kind of that's that is it, the fact that you just said that makes me makes my heart happy. It's like it is for everyone. It's not just for fancy, you know, restaurants. It's not just for special occasions. It's not for the 1% of the world. It's literally for everyone. It's the core of what etiquette is about kindness and respect for everyone else first, and putting people first and right now, especially in America, but also globally, we need that more than anything, I think, right now. And so, so that was kind of what I set out to do with that first book. And then the second book came out in May. So the first launch was January, and I was halfway through my book tour. And  when COVID came into the picture, so and  sorry, I still feel so awful that all those people bought tickets, and I couldn't come so I promise I'm coming, I'm coming to those cities again. But, then Buinsess Etiquette Made Easy came out in May and May 5. So that was a tough time to launch a book, I tell you what. But, at the same time, it was, it was interesting because we sort of, without knowing what 2020 was going to bring, I kind of forecasted a lot of interesting things in our business book. When I say our meaning me and you know, my team and a lot that went into that book, because it was you know, we had like a zoom etiquette section. We had a virtual presence section, we had a lot of things that are really important now, without even knowing. And but the second book, I think I really wanted to create a business etiquette book that was about it was almost like genderless in the way of business and saying that it was all about equality. Really. That's what that whole book is about is that all genders, all races, all everything. It doesn't even you know, none of this was even discussed in the book because everybody should be equal. And it was very, you know, it was something that I wanted to empower everybody and, and make it a book that kind of promoted everybody and and let you know, it wasn't like a lot of the etiquette books that I did a study that was like, you know, a lady should walk through the door first. And now, you know,  for me, it's all about seniority, it's about who is the VIP, that's the VIP, that person walks in through the door first. And so things like that, that I wanted to kind of just reset and replay for this generation, but also future to make sure everybody kind of went into the workforce more equally.

Shawl

Oh, I love that. And I think, again, you know, it's so important, especially to figure out how to be the most respectful, right, in all situations. So even professionally, again, you know, that door example, right? It's like, how can we show the most respect in terms of, oh, there's a senior team member, you know, maybe they should go through first. You know, that sort of thing. I want to dive into a little bit more etiquette in a minute, but I want to hear a little bit about your upbringing, and sort of what you touch on a bit  in your first book, Modern Etiquette Made Easy. You talk about growing up in Florida?

Myka  

Yes. Yeah. 

Shawl

I'm from Georgia. So and I think we've talked about this too. My in laws are in Florida, actually, as well. So and I think they're in Longboat Key. And you grew up in right there?

Myka  

In Sarasota. Yeah. Right there!  My grandparents live on Longboat Key.

Shawl 

Oh really? Oh, very cool. So what was it like growing up there and sort of talk to me about your parents and your childhood? Tell me about that. 

Myka

Of course.  So I grew up very informally, middle class background. And my parents were kind of the most loving, still are the most loving people you can imagine. My dad's like this jolly happy, positive. He's so he's like, sometimes when he calls he calls me every Friday, and like clockwork, and we call him daddy-o I'm like daddy-ohh! And he calls and  usually whoever I'm with I put him on speakerphone, because his accents is amazing. He's from Barbados. And I'm like, listen, guys, listen, he's so fun. And he's just really, he was very casual in the way that you know, we grew up in terms of, you know, growing up barefoot on sailboats kind of environment, but very formal in the way of education. And when it came to etiquette, and when it came to, you know, he would say Myka, you know, you have to say Yes, ma'am. No, sir. You know, that you don't ever call an adult by their first name unless they ask you to. And he was very strict with us in that way, not very strict in terms of the other parts.  I kind of ran amok. And he let me. He's so sweet. My mom is from Massachusetts, originally. And they you know, so I am, I'm a biracial child and I grew up with I think, I think the best of both worlds. Like I grew up thinking that was the coolest thing that I had all of these different backgrounds and heritages and ethnicities. And my parents really raised me to be like, this is so cool. Like, you're so lucky. So I never, I never thought as anything but an advantage, and I love mentoring younger, usually younger children, to having that mentality. Like, this is so cool. This is so amazing. Like, how great is it that you have all of these amazing backgrounds? inside of you? 

Shawl

What backgrounds? What ethnicities make up your family heritage?

Myka  

Well, I recently last year, my brothers and I did 23 and me because we were like, We know we're a giant melting pot. But what are we? So we are English, Irish, African are the three biggest kind of percentages. And then you had like the little ones like trickling in there. But those were the biggest. So I call myself Caribbean American because my dad's from Barbados. So I'm an American, but I was born in Florida. And but that's usually how I identify. And yeah, so I just grew up really, really casually. We didn't ever have real silver or, you know, sitting around I never had tea parties growing up. Or if I did, they were probably out of like paper, little solo cups, and I really I had everything I needed as a child. But I never had, we weren't raised with any kind of materialism. And my favorite story I always tell is that I went to the University of Florida for college and it was the first time I left Sarasota. And I lived in a more rural part of Sarasota and back in the 80s, Sarasota was not what it is now. And so I lived near a cow pasture off of cattlemen road. And, when I went to college, I remember going to my dorm floor and  going to the woman, Maggie is her name, the dorm coordinator. And I said, Oh, Maggie you know, thank you so much. I got my dorm code. I was living in an a, like with two other girls in one room, and I got all my keys. But I'm still missing the bracelet, the bracelet. So um, if I could just find out where to get that. And she said, Honey, what are you talking about? You know, the dorm Broward bracelet. And she was like, I'm so sorry. There's no bracelet. And right then my friend Jill on the hall, my new friend walked past us and I said Oh Jill, come. And I said Jill, let me see your bracelet. And she put up her  bracelet. And it was a Tiffany. And it was like the old Tiffany with the heart. I don't know if you remember those? 

Shawl

Yes, I do.

Myka  

Yes. And that one, and she was like, honey, that's a Tiffany bracelet. And I remember I had no idea what Tiffany was. I had no idea. I was like, what does that mean? Who is Tiffany? I just didn't even know. But every single girl on my floor had a Tiffany bracelet. So I thought that was our dorm bracelet. That's how hilarious and it was, it was so sweet and innocent. The way I grew up, and I love that and I had, you know, the nicest store you would go to on like a really special occasion was like, a JC Penney's and a Dillard and Bernstein's and that was all you don't you didn't need more, you know, and I loved growing up like that. I love it. I still to this day love that.

Shawl

How do you think that that has impacted you sort of now in this world where, you know, I mean, you are working at the Plaza, whichs is a little bit more upper crust, a little bit more worldly in a sense, right? There's a lot of international travelers. Some people are very wealthy, like what is that, like, sort of having that upbringing and then sort of being in this other world? 

Myka  

Yeah, I mean, I have out of body experiences all the time where I'm like, like, in February, I was we had our course the Dutchess effect going on. That was the last course before COVID. And we were filming with People Magazine and we had this like moment where they're all these cameras. And I was wearing a tiara and I had on this huge...I put it on my Instagram page, it was this huge  18 karat Colombian Emerald with diamonds. And then I had all these  borrowed,  all these borrowed massive jewels on and it was this moment where, I looked at my business partner and she looked at me she goes,  You know how ridiculous, you look right now. (laugh).  So, I'm like, I'm constantly like a little child playing in a castle is what it kind of feels like.  I'm used to it. in the way that it's kind of day to day, if I'm at the Plaza five days a week, sometimes it just feels normal. But every once in a while, I'll have a moment where I'm just like, Where am I? What am I doing? Who is this or, or when I'll get a call from the Plaza, they'll say Okay, come up. And then you walk into teach a guest. And they don't tell you who it is. And you walk in and you see the most famous face if you can think of the most famous person in your mind right now. And they are sitting there, you know, with their children and you know everything about them, but you have to act professional and not drop your chin to the floor and pretend like it's no big deal and treat them like everyone else. So I have moments like that quite often. But I'm, I'm very grounded. I'm very grounded. I don't spend you know, like I don't I still like I just don't, I will never I'll always be that girl from Sarasota in the cow pasture. Like that part of me will always be there always be the person.  I have a hard time spending you know, spending money on things I have a hard time.  I still don't have a lot of possessions. I have good quality possessions, but I don't have tons I'm not a hoarder of material things. I'm not walking around with logos giant logos, like I'm very, it doesn't mean anything. I'll find I found something I was just recently I found something on target and a dress for $29 that's literally worn it almost every week all summer. And that has been my VIP piece of the summer. So it's you know, I'm I don't think I'll ever change in that way.

Shawl

 I really appreciated that about your book too and about you is that I think you talk a lot about humbleness in your book too and being humble and also being confident in that, and I think that's a really great lesson and that makes sense, you know, with sort of how you grew up then that would be something that you really value. And I love that because I think that's super relatable. Because we, I mean, most people grew up, you know,  middle class. And also, there is something about etiquette or  royalty or that sort of thing that's a little bit of escapism, but it's also something, you know, I love the fact that you talk again, about kindness, about respect, these are the values that are behind what you're teaching.

Myka  

Exactly. And I think, you know, yes, I do work in this wild world sometimes. But when I'm in this wild world, people will come from all over the world to take these courses, they'll come to the Plaza Hotel. And I think they think I'm going to be really rigid and very strict and not, you know, I think that there's this image they have of an etiquette instructor from the Plaza Hotel. And in the first five minutes, I probably told a couple jokes, maybe bad ones, you know, like I am, I'm very, I'm not, I never want to be the unapproachable person because that's the opposite of what etiquette is. And that was important to me to include, in that first book, The story of how I came, you know, from cattlemen road and ended up serving Prince Charles, a gin and tonic, and it's like, how did you get there, but what I think is important is that you can learn through social intelligence, which is what etiquette is, how to be a social chameleon. And any place that you go, and if I can do it, anyone can do it, I can, you know, you can teach yourself to, learn how to interact with people from any walk of life. And, without changing, you know, like, I never change, I never change, I'm always the same person, whether I'm in literally in a royal residence, or I'm sitting at home, I'm the same person I'm just  teaching what, you know what level of formality they want.

Shawl

Now, walk me through sort of, Okay, so we we see you in your dorm room at the University of Florida, we see sort of that girl and sort of how you started and then when you graduated college, sort of walk us through what happened next.

Myka  

So then I went to New York, I literally graduated in May, May 2, and I was in New York, two weeks later. And I had done an internship this summer before at PBS and loved it in New York. And then I basically worked every job I could find. 

Shawl

Was there something that you wanted to do before sort of this happened before etiquette and everything happened?

Myka  

Yeah, I was. I was a journalism major. So I wanted to go into communications. But I couldn't find the job. I literally couldn't find a job. And so I, it was kind of a bubble  everybody's moving to New York, everybody. It was very competitive. There was a lot of work, but I just I couldn't find anything I liked. Or I found things I liked, but I didn't get the job. So then I had at one point, I think I had five jobs. Five, yep, five.

Shawl

Wow. And wait a minute, literally every like you were going to different ones, like on different days, or

Myka  

Oh, yeah, like because most places could give you one day work. That's all they could promise. So for instance, I was catering I was working for a catering company as one of my jobs on Wall Street. So I was literally in like the trader, like in with the traders, and and, you know, catering that was one of my jobs. And so having to get there at the crack of dawn, it would still be dark when I went home or when I went to work. And I remember getting out at the wall street subway and just have like getting home like an hour and a half before then not going to sleep from the night before because I was out at Marquis and so like a normal (laugh) Yeah, I was Marquis is a club for anybody who doesn't know. Yeah, I was just totally a normal 20 whatever year old. And then I eventually found after about a year of working odds and ends jobs. I found mostly in hospitality. I found a job working at a company and doing communications and that woman today is still my mentor, one of my two mentors. And she, the last page of my first book is where I acknowledge her and say thank you. So she's still today my mentor, and she's amazing. And she was the first one to give me a chance taught me everything I know about business. And being New York street smart.  She's a New Yorker, like real New York street smarts, kind of, you know 

Shawl  

Yea that's definitely something that's tough to, you have to be here I think for if you don't have like a mentor, you have to be here for a little bit to really sort of get that. 

Myka  

Yes. Yeah, exactly. And you know what the funny part is, is she taught me how to hustle. In a glamorous way. She's so glamorous this woman and she is, she you know, she actually launched Revlon Fire and Ice. She was the one that did that in like she that was her that came up with, you know, like the PR plan and the community. Like she's so mega.

Shawl  

Ohhh, I remember Revlon Fire and Ice.

Myka  

 Yeah. She was like Samantha from Sex and the City before Samantha from Sex and the City was a thing. She was like the original. So she taught me all of that. And, and yeah, I still call her and I'm like, Suzanne, I don't I'm like, thinking I'm whatever. I have this issue. And yeah, she's my go to. And then I met my husband A few years after working there for a few years and and then he moved to England and said, Do you want to come and I had only known him for a couple months, a few months? And said yes. And my parents thought I was insane. And... 

Shawl  

And you two were only dating at the time when you moved?

Myka  

Yes. 

Shawl  

How did you two meet?

Myka  

 At Felix, this, you know, Felix on West Broadway. So for everybody that doesn't

Shawl

Is that Soho'ish area. 

Myka  

Yeah, yes! 

Shawl  

Yea, I do know it. Yeah.

Myka  

So we met at a restaurant on a Sunday, on a Sunday Funday. And I saw him and I walked up and I introduced myself to him.

Shawl  

 You did? You walked up to him? 

Myka  

I literally walked up and introduced myself.  Yes. Which in all my dating etiquette courses, I always tell that story to encourage women not to wait for a man to walk up to you, walk up and get what you want. There's,

Shawl  

What did you say? What did you say to him when you walked up to him?

Myka  

Well, it's actually not very slick. I walked up and I put out my hand and said, Hello, my name is Myka, I'd like to introduce myself, like very like straight to the point. And because women often don't, I think, don't walk up to someone in fear of rejection, I understand that. I have been rejected before I know what it feels like. But it's I also think if you don't ask you don't get and men are, are a lot of my male clients are like I'm intimidated to walking up to a woman. So if everybody's intimidated then no one wins. So I have really thick skin. And I just, I would rather, I'd rather have my ego bruised than to lose out. So I walk straight up and introduce myself. And he had this like gorgeous Swiss accent. And I just traveled to Switzerland that summer before so that was it. And what I liked about him is that he didn't wait. He said right then and there after about 30 minutes of talking. He was like, What are you doing tonight, would you like to have dinner?  And I already had plans. But, I like that he didn't wait the three days. He didn't. He was like, you know, I'm just I'm not gonna play any games. And I like that. So that was it.

Shawl

I like that this story to sort of goes back to a little bit of what you were talking about. I mean, in a sense in your business etiquette book about equality, and sort of also the fact that again, this is where, you know, I think I mean, I do hear from a lot of men sometimes that it is tough to be in that sort of societal role where you always have to make the first move, or you have to show that you're attracted to someone when I think women can do that, too. And so I love that story for that reason, and, and the confidence that you had to do that. I think that's awesome.

Myka  

Yeah, I mean, I always think, you know, the reason why we don't, t's that fear of rejection,  it's that fear? It's, we're fearful. But imagine if you had if you know, if you if you knew that it was going to work in your favor. What is that quote? I always butcher quotes, but imagine or what would you do if you knew you would never fail?

Shawl

 Isn't that that's a Winston Churchill quote, isn't it? Or Yeah, I'm gonna go from failure to failure or

Myka  

Well, that quote is one that I have on my desk. That's success is going from failure to failure with enthusiasm. That's the Winston Churchill one. But he has some amazing quotes. But I just feel like that's just a bruised ego. If your ego is bruised, brush it off, brush it off, literally just brush it off and move on. And that's it. So we started dating, I moved to London. And it was there that I got this job. And I remember looking around and everything. I was the only American and  I was taking out clients, I was taking out media and I remember thinking this is I'm embarrassed. I had no idea which fork and knife to pick up I have no idea.

Shawl

You were working in fiance? or communications? 

Myka  

Comunications for a company called Mission Media, which I I loved working for.  I learned so much. And at the time,  I was specializing in American companies going global for the first time so my clients were J. Crew so I helped launch their first store out of America. Victoria Secret. Amazon, Dakota, UK was my client, some big major brands, Stella and Dot. A lot of these clients that were first time in the UK so it was my job to do the introductions, you know, a lot of communications events. And I'm in our I was just realizing how much I didn't know. And it was my husband, who at the time was just my boyfriend who said, I think you should go to an etiquette class. And he grew up very formally in Switzerland. And, and so that's like, the worst thing you want to hear from your boyfriend is you need to go to an etiquette class. Right? (laugh)  Yeah, but it was the best thing he ever did. It was so it was it was great. And, and I loved it. I wrote about the whole experience in the Modern Etiquette Made Easy and what I thought of it. I couldn't get enough. And after that I  started teaching my girlfriend's, my ex Pat American ex girlfriends living in London. I was like, ladies come here, they were all dating Europeans like nice, sleek, elegant, chic, European, or British men. And ladies come and so I would teach them what I was learning in my sessions. And then it kind of word spread. And then someone be like, Hey, Myka, can I bring my friend can I bring my cousin, and then it just got bigger and bigger and bigger. And then I finally got the kind of the confidence to quit my job and mission. They were super supportive, which was wonderful. And they said, Okay, good luck. And  off I went, um, but it was scary, leaving a very, very good job. That was I knew, I knew, like, I remember my boss saying, you know, this is a lot of people's dreams job. You know that right? And when I was handing in my notice, and I was like, Yes, I do know that. I do know that. And I, I know that and I want somebody who this is their dream, and this isn't my dream job anymore. So I want somebody to have their dream job. 

Shawl

Because you had discovered this passion that you had that you didn't know you had for etiquette. 

Myka  

Exactly.  

Shawl  

and now so you went to finishing schools, whats the training behind what what you're doing, like where what training did you do?

Myka  

So, I went to multiple schools.  I went to three in England, one in Switzerland, some were sleepaway some were not some were day schools. And, you know, it was intense, some of the schooling that I did was intense, like you're waking up at 6am making your bed somebody comes in checks that your bed is made. And you know, like you lay out your clothing, everything is you know, it's somebody you're eating breakfast and someone's looking behind you looking down to your shoulder to make sure you're, you know, it can be intimidating. And I was really scared in many instances, but at the end of the day, I loved every single program, I went to everything, every single school I went to I loved. And once I got over that intimidation factor, then, you know, it was, it was great. And that was something when I opened Beaumont etiquette, I said I don't want to ever come across, I don't want anyone to be intimidated when they take our courses and all my instructors that's the first thing I tell them when I hire them or have all my employees or everybody, I'm like this, we are a judgment free zone.  We are, we are like your older brothers and sisters that are going to take care of you and teach you everything you never knew. And more and do it in a really kind, compassionate way. You never come to us and we match you you come and we match you we say okay, what are you looking for? We do online virtual and in person courses. And we say or we go to corporates, and we say you know, what are you looking for, we match your style, you fill out this long, you know, checklist of what you're looking for, we match you with your personality of trainer. And we make sure that you just have, it's like a mentor. It's like an etiquette mentor. And we have some people that come in and they say I didn't grow up like this. And I want to be this I want to, this is my vision. Make like just do it for me. I want the full package. And we have a stylist, an amazing stylist on our team. We have an amazing speech coach on our team we have an amazing and you know, everyone, you know it gets very specific sometimes. And we have children's specialist team specialists and it's you know, so it's it's a fun group and it's a really wonderful inclusive group. 

Shawl

Were you scared to open your own because this is your own business. Beaumont Etiquettes is your own, right? 

Myka  

Yeah.

Shawl  

So were you nervous? Because I would think that after finishing school and correct me if I'm wrong, I mean, a lot of people that go to finishing school either just utilize it in their everyday life and they don't actually take it or become instructors themselves, so what was that like for you sort of opening up your own business? And did you come back? Did you open it in England first? Or did you come here? or How did that work?

Myka  

I opened it in England first and then, branched off when I moved to New York and brought it to the US. So it's yeah, it was, you know, it is it, there's just so much to figure out, there's so many, admin is the hardest part for me to this day, all the admin and figuring out all it's like two steps forward, one step back, every, every month, I have another struggle, no matter if it's, you know, when you start employing people, that's a whole other beast. So it's like, there's just so much, but you just have to take it little by little, make your checklist, find a good mentor, if you can, and, you know, it's fine, surround yourself with good people, I found a business partner I love. And you just, yeah, that's just day by day, if you think about it, in the overarching kind of it can be very, it can be very overwhelming. But that's what I did. And this January, this past year, we opened, actually, sorry, last fall, we opened but we really started working some bigger, much bigger projects in January, the Beaumont training group, which is our corporate arm, and we're about to launch the train the trainer program, which where anyone who ever dreamed of being an etiquette instructor, we're going to teach you how to do it. So we're launching that this fall of 2020.

Shawl

That's so great. I would think to there is a little bit of a barrier, if you're talking about finishing schools and sort of again, the money maybe that it requires to go internationally and go study and do that. And so you're hopefully making it maybe a little bit more accessible for people, if this is a dream for them to want to do it, you know, they can do it through you.

Myka  

Exactly, you don't have to fly, you know, thousands of miles to get formal etiquette training, we actually can just, you know, take care of you here in the States. So, um, we're actually also going to be launching online training so we can kind of service anyone, anywhere in the world can take our courses to be trained to become a trainer. So that's first during the rollout online. And then next year, we'll be opening in person courses in Singapore, London in New York. So once hopefully, God willing, that he pandemic is over. And then we'll do the in person ones.

Shawl

I want to sort of dive into some of your etiquette philosophies, because, again, I really, I think you're elevating the space a lot. Because I love what you talk about in in your books and on your social media and through your YouTube and everything. It's really not, yes, there are rules, right? I mean, you're talking about dining, you're talking about formal settings or things to do, rules. But you're also talking about I love this, I'm actually let me just see, I wrote it down specifically, I want to read it properly. Don't fake it until you make it practice it until you become it. So can you talk about that a little bit? What that means? 

Myka  

Yea, yes. That's the quote, from my book that I just figure I put it on a huge page, because I thought it was so important. People always say, you know, fake it till you make it. But I don't believe tha.t I believe you really want to become it. Because if you don't, if people can always tell if you don't. When I was talking earlier about, you know, practice what you preach. That's what it's about. It's about practicing it until it feels natural to you. And if it doesn't stop practicing it, and because it will never come off as authentic. So, for instance, if there's something that I was taught in an etiquette school or program that I don't feel is right, I don't teach it, I don't do it. And I think you have to practice it, you know, sit there if you want to, if you want to change your image, if you want to change the way you eat, if you want to change the way that you speak or interact or make people feel, then you have to practice it day in day out. So it becomes habit and then it feels good. And then you do it without thinking that's practice you know that that's what that quote means. So don't be a faker, don't fake something it's never going to look or feel authentic and who wants to live a life that that you know you're just trying to fake your way through something and so it's finding what authentically feels good to you. And then becoming that person and I always talk about branding boards creating your own branding board that's like the you know the the law of attraction really and putting it on a branding board creating what  your persona, your image, whatever it may be, and looking at it daily, and it can evolve you can update it but then that's like your that's your check point where you're constantly checking yourself, do you fit on this board? And it could be it's not just visuals, it could be words like are you if mine is inspirational. Happy giving, carefree not judgmental? Am I all those things every day? And if not, it's like a way to check yourself. And so it's something that we have some of our students do pending on what their goals are when they come take our courses.

Shawl

I love that because that's about really who you are. who you are. I like doing that work of like figuring out what do you value? What do you stand for? What do you want to present to the world as to who you are?  

Myka  

Exactly,

Shawl  

And how, how you can be genuine in that. So that stuck out to me a lot. And I loved that. You also talk a lot about charm and charisma in the book, which I found this to be the most, I like the way that you described, charm, charm is all about evoking a positive emotion in someone else. And it's not just any emotion, it's positive emotion. Can you talk about that? A little bit?

Myka  

Yeah. So when you think about it, when you think about the most charming person in the room,  everybody can imagine like, close your eyes. And imagine that one person that you're like, it could be somebody at work, it could be somebodyyou know, at a party or just socially or a fictional character in a movie, and everybody just is attracted to that person, the door opens, and everybody wants to talk to that person? And what is it about them, they don't have any other advantage that you don't they, you know, you know, it's how they are dressed. It's not just it's like the full package. It's not, it's not about the physical part of what they are walking in with, or whatever brand name, it's the way that they make people feel that Wow, I've seen people who are dressed to the nines that have zero charm. It's all about the personality, and how they connect with people and being positive. And I actually give a formula on how to become more charismatic in my book. And because I basically just studied over and over again, some of the most charismatic people on earth, and what do they all have, and it's about that moment when you meet them, and they locked eyes with you. And  they just make you feel like you're the only person in the room. They make you feel good, no matter what you're experiencing. They always uplift you, they promote you, they're like, how can I help you? It's just good, good vibes. And that's what it's about that's charisma,it's  evoking positive emotion in someone else. And not walking in and making someone feel less or somebody feel like you're judging them or that, you know, my goal is, I always say, , I always want people to come up to me and say, Hey, Myka, I took your course or I never want someone to be like, Hey, Myka, I saw you at you know, I took your course and I saw you on the street, but I was scared to come up to you. I never want that. That at the end of the day my students probably feel like they're, you know, if anything they know, they know too much. (laugh). My husband would say, but yeah, I feel like I want people to feel like I'm, I am always on their side. And I always want,  I love supporting especially women and female entrepreneurs and women in business and mothers, I love it.  I love supporting anyone who you know who's doing good, but I especially feel like I have a bit of a calling to kind of uplift and support other women, I think other women who do that are my favorite people on earth.

Shawl

That's awesome. You know, and I what I like about what you were saying about charisma, too, is that it's not about, it's not about what outfit you have on, it's not about you know, how you're necessarily dressed or what your family background is or what your job is, it's literally,  literally going into a situation. And again, you  layout your formula in the book. But making someone feel positive around you. That is true charisma. So that's all about making somebody feel good. That's all about making the environment, feel good for someone, for you and that person because, you know,  you said this word earlier, social intelligence. Why? Why do you think that's so important for people? Like why is that something that because I mean, again, your books you know, your books are bestsellers on Amazon, obviously, your business is really successful. I mean, people are talking about etiquette, why is it so important?

Myka  

So I think, you know, at the end of the day, when I say etiquettes is social intelligence, it's, you know, it's, it's one of the things where you could be the smartest person in the room like IQ wise, but if you don't know how to connect with people, which is why what etiquette is it's social intelligence, and you can learn social intelligence is the great news. And then you're still missing a beat, right? It's understanding when to say what, for instance, one example my name is Myka but everyone, a lot of people call me Mika. And, and, and, you know, instead of saying, making someone feel bad, like, Oh, actually, it's myka like, I would never do that, I would say, um, you know, it's, you know, it's Myka But don't worry, everyone does it. And or, or I'll say, but you know, don't worry, I know, it's like such a tricky name. So I want to take off the awkwardness of somebody who just introduced me in the wrong way, and not make them feel bad about it, too. Oh, my gosh, please, don't worry, everyone does it, it's such a tricky name, I totally know. So I'm taking the awkwardness away from them and putting it back on myself. And it's like humility, and it's, you know, it's like a humbleness and it's making other people feel good. And, you know, there's another, I always give an example of a gentleman I know, who was on a date with his then at the time, just his girlfriend, became his wife, and she was late. And she was very late. And then once she arrived to the date, instead of making her feel bad, he said, because he's a perfect gentleman. He said, Please, don't worry, you are in perfect time. Perfect timing. And in fact, I took the liberty to order you a glass of wine. You know

Shawl

That's a dream man everyone.  A dream man.

Myka  

And he said, Actually, I am so sorry. You know, I made this reservation way too early. So he took the awkwardness off of her. And even though she was 30 minutes late, or whatever she was, he was like, No, it was my fault. It was my fault. I made the reservation too early, you're in perfect time, and you look amazing, and instantly put her to ease. And that is charm. And that is good etiquette. And that is social intelligence. And

Shawl

That's thoutfullness.

Myka  

 Yeah. 

Shawl

I mean, to even order for her or, or again, I mean, it's a lot of thoughtfulness in the sense of thinking about, even when you're, you know, with the name, and obviously my name, I mean, I go by Shawl, but Shawlini you can imagine, right? Oh, and it was turned into several different things. I mean, so many times Shawlini  became Shahana, Shawnee,I mean, Shauna,  so many different versions. So I've been there. And there have been times where I've let the frustration, maybe get to me, but I always, I do always check myself and say, You know what, they don't know that. It's not, it's not someone's fault, until you've told them how to how to say your name. And then they don't say it right, you know, after a few times, but the nice thing is the thoughtful thing is is to say, you know what they don't know, let me show them and also make it a little bit more of a warm environment where this is gonna be something that you connect on, right? It's not like you reprimanding somebody and saying, Oh, no, it's this. Right? It's opening up. Oh, you know what, it's so funny. Let me tell you this story. Like, my name... Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I've heard everything, you know, maybe they have a story like that, or maybe that opens up the conversation and it makes it a warmer environment.

Myka  

Exactly. And I also find, I truly believe that people who make other people happy, are the happiest people, I really feel that I truly feel that way. For instance, if you know somebody who's always cooking, like my mom is always cooking, I come home and she makes them all even to this day, my favorite meals my favorite, that's her way of making me happy. She doesn't want that meal, but she knows that makes me happy. Or if you walk up to somebody, you compliment them, it's you're intentionally trying to make them feel good and it's little things like that, that make a difference. And it's I always, my biggest thing I will say with Valentina is I just want her to be the nice girl I always say that but I really that's all I want. I just want her to be the nice girl. And I think that's really important also to spread to the next generation. But also as adults we think of bullying happening for children and teens but bullying happens at all ages. And  I don't surround myself with people who are not people that uplift and support and are not kind that's just not it's something that I've kind of gotten to the point in my life that I don't need I don't need to you know...I know who I need to surround myself with. I actually did an entire YouTube about that very topic about how to remove toxic people from your life. 

Shawl  

That's so important. 

Myka  

Yeah, yeah, I think so too.

Shawl  

Well, I liked one of the videos you did too called how to stop the haters. Can you share the example that you shared in that video about what happened with you and a coworker because I think that was so important in terms of when someone does give you sort of a, you know, criticism or something, they might say something that's not so nice, even though it's veiled as like, perhaps not being a complete aggression, it's like a micro aggression, and right way how you handle that, can you share that and talk about that a little bit?

Myka  

Yes. Okay. So the idea is if somebody is like a passive aggressive hater, where they don't come out and say something directly mean to you, but they say something to make you feel bad, and you know, their intention is not good. So maybe if you, you know, somebody might say something, instead of like, say you lose weight, say you and you're really proud of it, or something like that, or you're dressing differently, or you put effort into something, you have a new haircut, whatever it might be that your thing is, and then somebody says, Wow, that's an interesting outfit, or something like that, they haven't come out and said, You look awful. But that's what they mean. And that's what they you know, that's how they're making you feel at least. And so my thing here is, is to turn it around on them, no matter what somebody's saying to you, and you thank them for it. Thank them for noticing. So if somebody says, for instance, wait, let's take weight when I hear a lot of people comment on other people's weight, did you lose weight, you know, and so then in that case, you would say, Oh, you know, thank you so much for noticing I have, I have been really trying and exercising and I'm so grateful that you noticed. Thank you so much. Amazing. Thank you. Yes, I'm so excited. Like turn that hate, turn that hater and dish it back. I always say kill them with kindness dish it back. No matter what they say to you, Myka Um, Wow, those are? Those are some interesting shoes. You know, thank you so much for noticing. I am crazy about these. And I'm so glad Yes, they are definitely different. And I'm so happy because I was just so sick of wearing the same old shoes every day. So thank you for that. They make me feel amazing. Then how does somebody come back to that? You know, yeah, actually, I, then you you can't come back. If you you can't, as a hater. You kind of put your hater in the corner. And that's the whole theory behind how I teach it is come back and acknowledge it and say, Oh, thank you. Yes, thank you for that. Thanks for noticing.

Shawl

 I really like that because I mean, obviously, look, there are interactions where like in both of those situations, somebody might curiously ask, oh, did you lose weight, and they're not meaning to be negative. But when you feel because we all have been there, right? Where we know, we have that feeling that somebody is coming at us that their intention is not positive, right, or their intention is not curiosity, their intention is one to I don't know, make you react in a specific way. And it's negative energy. I love that you're saying you know, instead of diving into the negative energy, you're gonna go back with positive energy and actually transform the situation and it's  gonna go from negative to positive, because you've actually taken the power back, you've controlled it and made it positive. So I love that. And I think that is so powerful at any age, right? Like, even for our kids to learn that, as adults. I think that is that's super, super important and valuable. One of a few other things that I think are fantastic that I want to dive in with you about is can you talk a little bit about sort of, you know, why? I mean, you talk a lot in the book about changing negative perceptions. And and this sort of goes along with what we're talking about. So can you can you sort of touch on that as to why that's important?

Myka  

Yes, so changing negative perceptions people have about you. So for instance, the example that I use is one that was I was actually given to me, some work, they said, and you're just so shy in meetings,  you don't speak up. And I was I see that as constructive criticism. So don't just see it as criticism, see it as constructive. Just drop the criticism part in your head. And I'm not a shy person at all. I never have been, but I wasn't confident enough in that situation to speak up. So take those perceptions that people have about you, if you feel that they're affecting you, which that was affecting me write it down, and then make lists of how you're going to change it, and then tackle it. So don't just take that perception if somebody thinks you're unfriendly so if you think somebody thinks your  unfriendly or lazy or, you know, too shy in meetings, and it's your boss, it's not a good thing. So then take that and and if it's affecting you and if it's not affecting you then who cares, but if it is affecting you, and you want to change a negative perception someone has about you then take it on headfirst. And, challenge it and challenge yourself. And then instantly start showing through the actions, the action points that you you kind of listed to yourself, start actioning them right away. So you want people to notice you want people to notice that you're making that extra effort Myka, Wow, I noticed that in that meeting, you really spoke up like that, and then it gives you more encouragement, then it gives you more confidence. I think it's an interesting exercise to do, very hard exercise to do, because it's self improvement and self growth. And it's, it's challenging, but I think at the end of the day, it's important, and it can really help you grow.

Shawl

Something that you're obviously on a ton of shows and podcasts and articles about your royal etiquette and your connection to the royals. And and I'm just curious, why do you think people are so,  Why are royals so fascinating? In your opinion? 

Myka  

And I think, you know, the Royals, we don't have an American royal family. So I think that's the first and biggest thing, we don't have that. So, as Americans, we grew up just reading about it or watching Cinderella and seeing it as a fairy tale. It's like escapism, and then we actually find out wait a second, there is a real royal family. And this exists. They're princes and princesses and castles and it's real. And so I think it's, it's, it's that really that it's that escapism, it's um, but you know, it's funny, because when you're with royals, not just British, but any kind of multiple different royal families I'm talking about, they're actually more normal, quote, unquote, normal, I'm saying then you think they're going to be there, you know, it's really, when you're there, it's, you almost forget, you forget that they have that until you're walking down the street, and then people are going bonkers and, and there's cameras everywhere you you've kind of forget until you see that. But they're, you know, the British royal family is is a wonderful, wonderful family. They're very sweet people. And all the experiences I've had are just wonderful, caring, loving people, and really good. They're really, really good people. So I think once you meet them, yeah.

Shawl

What do you think of the Megan and Harry and them leaving the royal family?

Myka  

Yeah, you know, I think they, you know, it was clear, I think they must have had to make a move that drastic, they had to do that for themselves. I feel they, you know, I think they probably really made the move, maybe for Archie, maybe to have happiness. I think you've got one life to live and you have to live your own and nobody else is living that life except for them. So I feel like they probably did what they needed to do to find happiness and joy. And I only ever wish them happy, happy, you know, joyful thoughts. And you know, that's it. Yeah. So  I think it's their lives. It's not ours even though they are public figures. Nobody else has to live it except for them. So until you walk a mile in their shoes, which you can't and, you know, I think they did what they needed to do to find happiness.

Shawl

Yeah. And I think it was so interesting when Megan Markle, became a Duchess, especially from here, again, that whole American girl, she's also half Black. I mean, that was such a powerful moment. I felt like for the royal family, in history, to have that happen. And so it'll be interesting to see sort of what happens with them after the fact. You know, what adventures happen with them. 

Myka  

 I agree. I agree. And it's funny, because I get so many, so many media inquiries about wanting to kind of tear people down to, you know, things that they do, and why did they do that? And is that etiquette? And I never ever contribute to those stories. Because I never it's not Who am I to judge? Nobody, it's nobody to judge. And it's not fair. And it's, I always say, No, thank you.  I don't want to contribute to that, because I only want to contribute to stories that uplift them, give them positivity in the media. I'm supportive. I'm very supportive of them. So yeah, it's an interesting thing. And then yeah, I think I think one day they'll speak their story. I think that's coming, but I think that in their own time, and I hope they're doing really well.

Shawl

Oh, I love that. You spoke a little bit about Valentina your daughter, and talking about wanting her to be kind, which I think, you know, any parent listening, you know, myself included is a top priority. I think we all want our kids, I mean, ultimately, and if we don't, we need to right? Like that needs to be the thing. But in terms of, you know, with kids, is there anything that you would say is a tip for parents to instill that in your children like in terms of etiquette, and in terms of kindness and respect?

Myka  

I think, for me, it is teaching them the foundation of what etiquette is, it's compassion, and it's kindness. So I will say it's, it's not about being the perfect child, because let children be children, right? It's about teaching compassion, that's the number one thing you could teach a child, compassion and kindness for all people around you all living things, animals, the environment, other children, other adults. And that to me is for a parent from one parent to the next. And for anybody else, parenting at any level, a teen a preteen or a small child, that is the most important thing you could be teaching right now. And the rest of the finishing details, they come later that's like,  I call it the cupcake model. It's like the cake is like the kindness and, and the respect. And then the icing is kind of the consideration for others. And the way that you are treating people through the cake, and then the sprinkles that's like the finishing, that's just the finishing details, the sprinkles are just, they matter least. They're amazing. They're fun, that's like dressing nice. But even if you're teaching a child, especially if you have a teen and you're listening, and you're teaching a child, why you need to present yourself nicely why you need to comb your hair and brush your teeth and get out of your bed and put on real clothes. It's not because you want to look a certain way. And for somebody else to come up, you know, to have a certain persona, it's not that at all, it's about showing respect to the other person you're about to meet. So you didn't just roll out of bed, you put effort into yourself. And that's why we get dressed for people. And once you start teaching in that way and in taking away, or giving them the reasoning, the reason why you're doing things, it becomes more clear, I think that with children at any age.

Shawl

I like that too. Because I think that's also another way to think outside of yourself. Right?  It's like putting it on the other person putting it on, the interaction that you're about to have, or the community you're about to be a part of, or the relationship you know, with your mom or your dad or your friend, like whoever you're you know, I think that's really important to think outside of yourself. And again, there's that  thoughtfullness piece, too. 

Myka  

Right. 

Shawl  

Um, Does Valentina because I think her and my daughter are the same age as she three and a half. 

Myka  

Yes. 

Shawl  

Okay. So does she obviously, at this point, it's really it's more kindness training, or are you also doing some formal etiquette stuff, too, with forks and knives and that sort of thing?

Myka  

Yeah, so we were already doing table manners too. But t mostly because if you start them young, they don't know anything different. So if they start at a very young age, they don't even know that they're eating in a formal way versus an informal way. That's just normal. So I just wanted that for her. I didn't want her to have to learn later. I mean, of course, tomorrow, she'll have a meal where she can eat with her fingers. And it's not every meal. But when we sit together for dinner, she eats with her fork in her knife, and she eats in the kind of the Continental way. But I'm not sitting over her correcting her, you know, only if I see her having trouble, but I don't. I'm  never like Valentina sit up straight , it's I just, you know, I just help her and I just have taught her from the beginning how to hold silver a certain way. She doesn't know anything different. Yeah. But that's not what I don't focus on that. I don't, you know, harp on that if she does something wrong, or she suddenly licked her finger with the ketchup on it, you know, it's not something I am hovering over about, but she knows good manners and she'll show me some,  mama look! And she shows me when she puts her fork down and that it's going up to her mouth and she shows me when she wipes her mouth and Mama look! So she's proud. She knows I'm proud. But at the end of the day, she's a kid and she's messy and she's running around the house and she's a little tornado. She's more Eloise than anything. But I love that about her. So teaching her but in stride,

Shawl

Yeah, I love that. I love that. And we work on a lot of obviously just Yes, please. Thank you. I mean those common decency things that I mean, if you don't teach your children those things, how, how are they to know that that's what you do, so I really love that. The final thing I will ask and then I'm going to do a little something with you to end out the interview, one of your posts that I found was so interesting, you know, talking about sort of the environment that we're in right now with Black Lives Matter.

Myka  

 Mm hmm. 

Shawl  

And  again, how important it is to recognize certain things in our country that need work. And we need a little bit more kindness and open mindedness. Right now. And one of the posts that you posted, I thought was fascinating. You posted this baby foot. And the comments, you got one comment that, you know, I loved the way you responded with sort of talking about your heritage, and also talking about how supportive you are. And that this is about kindness and love. So is there a spot, a place you think, for etiquette in activism, like in the way that we're dealing with things? Now? Is there a place for that? 

Myka  

I do. I definitely do. I think it's all about respect and listening,  But, respecting that other people have different opinions or may have different opinions than you. And respecting, you know, I always say we can agree to disagree, I can express my opinion, you can express yours. We can agree to disagree on on, like, for instance, political issues, you can agree to disagree. When it comes to racism. it's a bit different. It's a lot different. It's very, it's on another level, to me, it's all about, it's not about agreeing to disagree. It's about making a point that it is about human rights. It's human equality. It's not about, you know, red versus blue, and all agree to disagree. When it comes to racism. It's like, there's no,  in my mind, there's no question. It's human rights. It's, you know, it's treating other people, everybody the way you want to be treated. And it's like you go back to, I think you need a lot of etiquette. And I think the world needs a lot of etiquette and a lot of kindness. And I just I have a hard time understanding racism. I have a really hard time understanding it. But I, I, you know, I encourage anyone, I think a lot of people, a lot of my friends, I've had friends come up to me and ask me questions. Like, I had a friend who said, a good friend, and she said, Myka can I ask you a question? I have a question I feel ignorant about. And I have a question that I want to ask, but I don't want to offend you. You know I thought that was a beautiful way to ask me a question. And it was, she was like, you know, with Black Lives Matter.  I want to address people, I'm not sure. Can I call my friend, African American? Can I call her Black? What can I call her? What should I ask her how she you know, and I was like, Listen, people right now are learning. And that's okay. The important part is to listen, to learn, to ask in a respectful manner, to be polite, and considerate. If you don't know the answer, educate yourself. And if you have a friend that you can talk to and ask them about, then you eally should. And I love that she asked that. And she said it in the way that she did. She just wanted to educate herself, and she didn't know the answer. And, think it's really fine. Somebody that you can trust, go to an organization that educates people. And you know, and she was like, I'm so scared to ask the question, but I know your family heritage, and I feel comfortable asking you and I was like, Oh my gosh, please ask me anything. But, that was just one example that I thought was a very kind way to show that she wanted to learn and I think, yeah, we need I think etiquettes a huge part of it. But I'm really, I really, you know, Black Lives Matter. I think it's a it's a beautiful thing in the way that it's brought so many good, important, crucial Conversations to America, to the world. And I hope it continues, I hope this peaceful protesting and I hope, you know, compassion and understanding continues and learning continues. And I think we're seeing we're starting to see some real progress. And it's the beginning the very beginning. There's so much work to be done so much. And I'm still learning, I'm learning all the time, myself. And I think that's the important part is that we all feel like we're moving forward and not backwards.

Shawl

Yeah, I mean, I just wanted to bring it up, because again, reading your reply to that comment I just so appreciated, again, the polish, that respect and also bringing it back to, this is a human rights issue. This is about equality. And you even I mean, you even opened up about how you had somebody that you were dating, and when they found out that you were Black, that that was part of your ancestry that  they didn't want to date anymore. So I thought it was so incredibly amazing to have you be honest, in that way to sort of give an example of how racism hit you. 

Myka  

Oh, yeah, and and I think it's really important. The comment that we're referring to was when I posted something about in support of Black Lives Matter and, some different nonprofits that you could donate to somebody wrote, please, it was something along the lines of  please, don't get into politics here, you probably have never experienced racism yourself. And this person clearly had no idea of my my family background, and that I was biracial. Which was interesting, but I just, instead of erasing the comment, or firing back, something angry, I went at it in a compassionate way this person doesn't understand. And I want to explain that to this person. And I don't think this person meant harm. But I just shared that actually, you know, I do have some interesting family background here that does give, you know, make me feel like I have a bit of a voice here. And, my father, I remember my dad, I have so many interesting stories from him. But my dad wmy dad was asked to leave a bar. And my dad was asked to leave a bar, he was with my uncle in a bar in Massachusetts, and, and he was asked to leave, he wasn't welcome. And it was because of the color of his skin. And my uncle, who is this amazing six foot five huge, gentle giant, but when he needs to be gets gets, you know, where he needs to be, was the one that actually stood up and said, if you have a problem with my friend, you have a problem with me. And my dad always tells that story. And that's to this day is his best friend. Um, but you know, so stories like that, that I grew up hearing, and you know, and it just I feel and that's just, you know, and I haven't even, I just feel like, it's, we're at the tip of the iceberg.  And it's so important. It's so important for us for this generation for the next to educate and stop and make and create, change, create change. That is that is the best and most important thing we could do right now. Love, love, love everyone. And at the end of the day, it's just so true. It's just, we all, we all bleed red,  I always go back to that we all, we all are the same. In the end. We're all humans, and that's why it's a human rights issue and not a political issue.

Shawl

100% Well, listen, I love what you stand for. I love that, again, you've taken something that seems sort of stuffy and inaccessible, and made it accessible, made it relatable, made it about and focused on what it's really about, which is kindness and respect. And, and, you know, love and compassion. And I really, really appreciate that about you. And that's why I knew that our conversation was going to be wonderful. I end out the show with asking people if they have a nonprofit that they care about that they want to highlight and spotlight. If there's an organization that you care about that we could all donate to and I'll include it in the Episode Notes too. Or support not even you know if you can't donate supporting is a great way or advocating for is another way that you can obviously help

Myka  

You know I love there's two that I love and they're both New York City base that I have volunteered with one is Ketchies Project which is an amazing nonprofit that supports  young women in New York City and going into high schools and educating them and teaching them and I just love that and then also I love Dress for Success, which is a national charity and I think is just super about getting women back on their feet  in the workforce. And then finally National Charity League, which is one of my favorite nonprofits that I do a lot of work for and it's a mother daughter nonprofits, the largest mother daughter, nonprofit in the world, and It's all about community and volunteering and mentorships so I would say those are my three. One local, more national International.

Shawl

Oh, I didn't know about that one. I'll have to check it out. Especially because it's mother daughter, I love that.

Myka  

Yes. And mother daughters, they go and they actually volunteer together. So it's like strengthening mother daughter bonds and they have chapters so each there's like different chapters that you join. And then it's a network of friendship and etiquette is a huge part of National Charity League. So I do a lot of work with them. And education and it's they have so many volunteer hours they have to it's just really really good. It's an amazing organization.

Shawl

Wonderful. I will tag that with the Episode Notes and and also Veena and I, I've been wanting to take an etiquette class with you, with her. So we will definitely get on that. Two end out I do something called Feel the Five where I'm going to give you five words. And you just say the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 

Myka  

Fun, okay. 

Shawl  

Okay, here we go Feel the Five.  

Shawl  

Home.

Myka  

Parents

Shawl  

Joy,

Myka  

Valentina.

Myka  

Fear.

Myka  

Ego.

Shawl  

Regret. 

Myka  

Love Life. 

Shawl  

Hope

Myka  

Work.

Shawl

Love it. I love that love life was a regret.

Shawl

We'll have to talk about that off the pod so I can hear about those (Both laughing) 

Myka  

No, the love life. I just have to explain that because that sounds horrible to my husband.

Shawl

No, I think we all got that. It wasn't,  it's not him for sure. 

Myka  

Yea no, it was I think of somebody that I waste , well waste is a horrible word. Somebody that I spent too much time with that I spent too much energy on in my life that I wish I would have as telling my younger self giving my younger self advice. I would have said don't stay in that relationship. Yeah.

Shawl  

Well, Myka  again, thank you so much for taking the time with me to chat and to also again, spread kindness, spread positivity. There are so many wonderful lessons in her book I I am saying you guys, please go get it. . Modern etiquette Made Easy. I'm looking at it right now. Myka. And I wore red lip for you too. Because you always have a red, you always have a red lip. (laugh) But everyone, please go get that book. She also has Business Etiquette Made Easy. Again, if you need tips on your professional life. And you you know, I'm going to tag all of your social media. So you can go follow Myka and all the work that she's doing. Her YouTube videos are great that she's doing now there's such great advice. So again, Myka thank you so much for taking the time and for this conversation.

Myka  

Thank you so much for having me. And congratulations on this amazing podcast. I can't wait to introduce it to everyone I know. So congratulations. You're a light and positive and so wonderful to speak with. Thanks so much.

Shawl  

Well, same. Thank you so much. (END INTERVIEW) 

Shawl  

(OUTRO) So do y'all see why I admire her so much. She is just ahhh, she's so full of light. She's so full of grace and elegance. And I just loved so many things out of this conversation that I sort of wanted to share some of my top takeaways here. That resonated with me and possibly they might have resonated with you too. First things first, we talked about, you know, etiquette being social intelligence and really connecting with people. That's what it's about. And I think Myka is elevating the space and her philosophy of the fact that it's not just about you know, the right fork and the right knife, even though manners are important,  those traditional manners are important. But really, it's about kindness and respect for everyone first, I really, really loved that she said that and that she always punctuates that in everything that she does in all of her work. I loved that she shared some of her upbringing and her humble beginnings and then sort of being in this world that is quite different where she's sometimes teaching royalty or she's around, you know, people that were different from the way that she grew up. I really loved that she shared that and I like the fact that she still works from that humble place and that it's really all about respect and kindness. And even when she talks about her daughter, you know, the number one thing that she wants her daughter to  be when she grows up,  is to just be the nice girl to always be the nice girl. So I thought that was really beautiful about her. And I really enjoyed getting to know that side of her and getting to know that about her.

Shawl  

One of the things that I just thought was amazing was when she told the story of how she went up to her now, husband wasn't her husband at the time, and introduced herself. Yes, girl power, what condidence! I just love that. And, you know, I think it really goes to show that, you know, we talked about this how like, if you don't ask you don't get which I say that all the time too so whether it's in a dating situation, or a job or really anything, it's so important to have that confidence. And, you know, even if you have the insecurity of having, you know, a little bit of a bruised ego, just trying to brush it off and move on, you know, as an actor myself, trust me when I say there is, the world is rife with rejection, right? I mean, that's just gonna happen. And so yeah, it's really important to sort of build up that skill of having that confidence. And you know, even if you have a bruised ego, sitting with it for a little bit, and then being able to move on, brush it off and move on. So love, love that story. We talked about charm, which I thought was actually really interesting how she put it, which is evoking a positive emotion in someone else, creating an environment of positivity, that's really charm. That's really charisma. It's not about what you're wearing, it's not about your background, it is literally that simple. So I love that she distilled that down for us. And I thought that was really important. 

Shawl  

Two practices that she suggested, that I thought were really cool was, when she was talking about running her own business. And even if it doesn't have to be business related, you could do this about yourself too, and the things that you want for yourself, but a branding board, putting up words and photos that you can sort of you know, have as a visual to really remind yourself, oh, hey, like, that's something that I want, or that's, that's what I want to present or this is who I want to become, I really, really loved that. And I thought that was a really cool piece of advice that you can utilize. And then this one's a little harder. But the negative perceptions list, ohhh, probably going to be a lot harder to write down what you think some of your negative perceptions are. But so important, like she mentioned, for self growth, and for changing things in ourselves. So if you can write that down, and then tackle it, head first, like she said, I think that's going to be really important for a lot of growth and to move forward and in certain areas that you need to. So I thought that was very cool. And I just think she's, she's so positive. She's so kind. She wants to support, she mentioned she wanted to support female entrepreneurs and small businesses. I mean, I cannot tell you right, when I told her that I was starting this podcast, she was like, absolutely, I want to be on. Absolutely, I'll promote you. Like, she was just so positive and warm and said yes, to me. So I know she is all about that. And that's really authentic about her. And and I think this whole entire conversation, you could see what passion she has for her business, and that this is really something that she's been called to do, and that she's so great at it. So if you ever have a chance, you can go check out her  website, or any of her social media, I will tag all of it in the episode notes so that you can go check it out, maybe  you can take some virtual classes with her if you're not in New York City, or in the area. I know she also travels a ton to and does a ton of speaking engagements. And maybe you'll catch her there. And then of course her books are available to you. So you can purchase those anywhere books are sold. Modern Etiquette Made Easy  and Business Etiquette Made Easy. I can't tell you how much I enjoy both books. They're so great. And they have such amazing tips in them. So definitely check them out. I got mine off of Amazon. It's actually a bestseller on Amazon. So it's super easy. It's one click away, boom, you get it delivered to you, done. And again, I will tag all that in the episode notes that you can be connected to her as well as the charities that she shared. And of course, like I always say, donating is great if you can do it. But that's not the only way to support. You can always go follow a charity, go on their website, see how you can get involved, or just spread awareness and post it so that maybe somebody else in your network can donate or get involved. And that's a huge way to help support.

Shawl  

I just loved this conversation. I hope yall did too. And I just really appreciate how Myka is someone who's so innovative and has such empowering, has such an empowering message both in her etiquette courses and her philosophy. And she's just putting a modern spin on the whole etiquette industry, which is so fabulous. And again, it's just really all about kindness and respect. I hope you left this conversation feeling good. I know I did. As always, all the love and light and have a great week! (END OUTRO)